Private investigator Rebecca C shares with us nine tell-tale signs that one should look out for.

She says: "Based on my research, you should be alarmed if ..."

1. "I love you but I'm not in love with you."

If you hear these words, a big warning bell should go off. This is one of the most common things that a cheating spouse will say. Your spouse may have a deep, bond with you but intense passion can override that bond and cause your spouse to lose sight of his or her true feelings.

2. "We are just friends."

This is also another very predictable statement that will come from a cheating spouse. If your spouse is spending more and more time with this new "friend" then there is probably more to it than mere friendship. Your spouse may feel they have a lot in common, that this person understands them. Whatever the reasons for the friendship, it's a big warning sign and one that you should take seriously.

3. A sudden need for privacy.

If things the two of you used to share openly suddenly become private, pay attention because something is probably up. He or she may start password protecting computer activity. Cell phone and credit card bills may be hidden. If you ask why or attempt to find out information that used to be common knowledge between the two of you, you will be accused of snooping or trying to control him or her.

4. "I need some space to figure out my feelings."

Men and women who are involved with someone else will request more space or time away from the family. They may say it is due to confusion over their feelings or stress at work. This can be a sign that there is someone else and the spouse is trying to figure out ways to have more freedom.

5. Regular work habits change.

Working late, going to work at odd hours or, putting in more time than is normal on work-related issues can be indications that a spouse is cheating.

6. Spending more time on the computer.

In today's world, with modern technology, a person looking for an affair doesn't even have to leave home. The ease of Internet chat rooms, online dating sites and secret email accounts have caused an alarming increase in affairs. If your spouse is online more than usual, hanging out in chat rooms and visiting pornographic websites then you have reason to be alarmed.

7. Secretive phone calls and more time spent on the phone.

Emotional affairs occur primarily via the phone, especially mobile phones. If you find your spouse hanging up suddenly when you enter the room or erasing the history on the phone and becoming defensive when asked about it, then you may want to hire me to check the records.

8. Behaviour that just doesn't add up.

Not being where he or she was expected to be. There's missing time they can't explain. Money that isn't accounted for. Receipts for things you don't own. Missing clothing. Clothing that does not belong to your family. Being caught in little lies about the details of the day.

9. Your own fears and suspicions.

If you find yourself looking for excuses for your spouse's behaviour or trying to convince yourself that they would never cheat, then that is a warning sign. Your intuition is frequently one of the best indicators that something is wrong. If you suspect your spouse may be cheating on you, do some investigating and then talk to him or her about what you've found out. Do it in a calm and courteous way. Ask for honesty. Be prepared for lies. It is a sad fact that people having affairs become excellent liars. Trust your gut instinct but get hard, cold proof also.

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