MY SON, Julian, is 2 3/4 years old and might perhaps have a few things to say about my mothering skills.

In the new year, I decided to reflect on the kind of document he might spit out if he were a human- resources manager.

So here it is - Julian's "evaluation" of my performance for the past year of 2008:

Date: Jan 5, 2009
Name of employee: Clara Chow
Position: Mummy, Scale A
Form completed by (immediate supervisor): Julian

OBJECTIVES SINCE LAST PERFORMANCE:

1 To provide basic feeding, bathing and chauffeuring services.

2 To break out the entertainment when required (And by that I mean right away, when I ask).

3 To render IT help whenever I cannot log on to the Playhouse Disney website.

4 To assist in toy-and-candy purchasing exercises.

ACHIEVEMENTS SINCE LAST PERFORMANCE:

1 Mummy is now able to respond to frequently-used commands (e.g. "carry me") with some dexterity and speed, even when carrying four shopping bags and trying to open car doors at the same time.

2 Is able to change diapers with minimal screaming, banging and leakage in under 15 minutes.

3 Can cook simple, marginally nutritious meals like pasta, pasta and more pasta. Quite adept at doing the laundry (although I suspect she dawdles on this task to avoid doing the real work I ask her to do immediately).

KEY STRENGTHS THAT NEED TO BE MAINTAINED:

1 A good all-singing, all-dancing machine. Strong conversationalist, able to tell interesting bedtime stories and understand my speeches on Little Einsteins, Thomas And Friends and Handy Manny.

KEY AREAS THAT NEED TO BE ADDRESSED:

1 Anger management needs more work. For instance, when I spoilt her computer last week, she yelled at me, then locked herself in the room and went to bed. And it was only 9pm! Which party-pooper sleeps before 2am?

2 Needs to be more tolerant of noise. Like my singing. And snoring.

HOW WOULD YOU RATE THE EMPLOYEE ON THE FOLLOWING:

1 Initiative - Satisfactory. But needs to be pestered before she gets my drift.

2 Work efficiency - Average. Often distracted by friends, fashion magazines, etc.

3 Teamwork - Above satisfactory. She's very good at giving my papa and me orders.

4 Ability to plan long-term goals - Excellent. She knows that she'll be blamed if I turn out loopy in adulthood.

OTHER OBSERVATIONS

I know she loves me. She says it like 20 times a day. I think I'll keep her on for 2009. It's so hard to find good help anyway.

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