I AM with a man in his late fifties, who is incredibly charming, successful and intelligent. When we got together 10 years ago, I thought I was the luckiest woman in the world.

I'm not sure now. While he still is all the above, he uses his charm on other women as well. He loves to sextext and seems to constantly need a harem of followers or "friends", as he refers to them, to boost his ego and be at his beck and call.

I have seen him flirt with them over long SMS chats; they were probably sextexting as well. But he doesn't sleep with any of them and always returns home.

Now that I know what he is like, we have had many loud discussions but he always says they are "just friends". I am resigned to the fact that if I want to stay on with him, I will need to put up with his insatiable appetite for "women friends", to boost his ego.

I am guessing that he plays with and teases most of them, especially the younger ones. He will either be openly or secretly texting these women from the time he comes home till before he sleeps. Although I think he has perhaps a couple of "serious friends", including 50- and 60-year-olds, I cannot understand why they text like teenagers.

I know this is not normal. I do not think he will change either. How can a successful man have such low self-esteem, although on the surface it's not obvious?

I feel he has committed emotional adultery as he doesn't share these friends with me. Instead, he shares many thoughts with them.

I am 50 and have a good position in life and many would think well of me. However, this is tearing my heart out and the emotional instability is nerve-racking as I am always wondering and guessing.

Separation seems to be the most logical approach if I am to gain back some of my own self-esteem. I am going through an emotional spin that hurts, angers and confuses me. I just don't know what to do.

SEXtext Charmer

IF you cannot accept this emotional adultery, then leave this man. But do this for yourself and not because you hope that he will come pleading for a second chance with the promise that things will be different.

When you choose to walk away, do it because you cannot live with so many other women sharing your lives.

He is not going to give up his secret pleasures which, in his mind, are probably harmless and of little consequence as he has never slept with his sextext partners.

He might even be surprised by your drastic action because most men actually believe that this is kinky, innocent fun. If there is no penetration, it is not sex. Guys have fantasies when they masturbate, don't they?

Guys always have reasons and rationale for their sexual behaviour. There is no betrayal when love is still strong and safe, so what's the fuss then?

Do not be hasty about leaving if you still care deeply for him. You do not want regrets when you are out there, alone and lonely.

Talk to him as he deserves to know the reason for your pain and hurt. Make him understand how damaging emotional betrayal can be when you love him so dearly.