ON FEB 10 last year, a 21-year-old national serviceman was jailed for 13 years and ordered to be caned 15 strokes for repeatedly rapingand molesting his sister over three years.

The case came to light only 11/2 years later, after the girl, then 16, confided in her school principal.

OnOct 23, 2009, a 38-year-old man was sentenced to 18 years' jail and 24 strokes of the cane after he pleaded guilty to raping his daughter twice and outraging her modesty once.

In class one day, she doodled on a piece of paper and drew a picture of a crying girl with the words: "What should I do now!!"

She also wrote: "I hate my father as he do something which I felt it disgusting. I don't know it is good to tell my mother and police about but I wish I can run away."

Her best friend later saw the note and, with the girl's consent, spoke to the school counsellor on her behalf.

On Oct 15, 2009, a 62-year-old cleaner was jailed 12 years for sexually assaulting his daughter twice.

He first molested her when she was 10 and did it a second time when she was 13.

The girl confided in a school counsellor a month after the second incident and a police report was made.

Those cases have one thing in common with our main report - the victims chose to confide in someone outside the family instead of their loved ones.

Why did they choose to do that? One element is trust, it seems.

Trust

A consultant psychiatrist in private practice, Dr Brian Yeo, told The New Paper: "The most important thing for the girl is, would the mother believe her, or would she side with her husband, the girl's father?"

He added: "The biggest trauma to the girl would be if the mother does not believe her and chooses to side with the father. It could break up the family.

"So if she does not feel the trust or she is not confident, she would confide in someone else."

"It could also be opportunity; maybe the mother is usually not around. But in (the current case), that is unlikely, since there were five years (for her to do so)."

If a victim does not confide in her mother, she could tell a relative, like the grandmother or an aunt.

But whoever she confides in, there has to first be trust, he said.

Dr Carol Balhetchet, director of Singapore Children's Society's youth services, said it could be self-blame and guilt that pushes them to confide in someone outside the family.

She said:"When you have a parent who (abuses) the child, there is a whole world of betrayal and guilt. The child will blame themselves and feel guilty that they did something to encourage this behaviour.

"They will ask themselves if their family members will blame them too, should they confide in someone within the family."

She said that the victim will also feel that he or she is betraying the perpetrator, in this case, her father.

"Every day, they will carry this guilt with them that they are to blame or they must have done something (wrong). They feel they cannot tell anyone.

"In this case, the girl would think, 'what's going to happen to my father if I tell?'" said Dr Balhetchet.

"She must have reached a desperate situation or there was a trigger. Maybe her teacher spoke about something that made her feel it was a good time to bring up the matter.

"The child expects security from the family. When that is infringed, the whole world crumbles for the child.

"The child needs therapy to know that he or she is not to blame,and it is not about betraying the perpetrator.