Q: I LEARNED a couple of years back that my child had been sexually molested by my sister’s second husband.

It happened a long time ago, when she was a kid. She tried to bury the memory of the trauma and suffered in silence. She finally broke down in her teens and told me about it.

Of all my family members, I’m closest to my sister. But I certainly could not excuse her husband for such a crime.

I recently told her that although I had forgiven him, I felt we should report the crime to the authorities because he must be punished.

But my sister doesn’t seem to understand that when you forgive someone, it does not mean that you excuse his wrongdoing.

She thinks that if I truly have forgiven her husband, then I should not make the report.

How can I make her understand that sin has its consequences?

A Loving Sister

A: IF your sister does not see that her husband has committed a heinous crime in molesting a very young child then how can you make her understand that sin has its consequences?

If you pursue criminal charges against her husband, you will have to be prepared for your relationship to break down.

Many women accept domestic violence and abuse in their own homes. They believe that staying with their husband is the best and only option. They seem afraid to walk away from this form of control and dominance.

Your sister does not want to lose her second husband and expects you to forgive and forget.

Does she understand that her niece is still suffering the trauma and emotional damage from this monster’s actions, and will probably do so her entire life?

You love your sister but you need not be so polite and apologetic. She is as much to blame if she condones and protects such an abhorrent act by the man who shares her bed and life.

How can she not feel revolt, disgust and anger against him? When a man molests a young and defenceless member of the family, it is betrayal of the worst form.

If your child expects closure and is prepared to go to court, then you must not be afraid to act.

It will be very hard, especially for the victim. Check out support groups and ensure that she is psychologically ready to confront this evil from the past.

Legal battles can be ugly and emotionally destructive. You must be strong for your daughter, so do not allow your love for your sister to tear you up.

Your mind must be clear and sure because you cannot waver when your child needs you most.

You cannot take sides, even if your sister threatens to cut all ties and sever the your relationship.

Your sister should come to her senses and realise that such a horrible act must be punished.

If crimes against children can be forgiven and forgotten, how can we live with ourselves?

There are women’s support groups that could offer support.

One such group is the Women’s Centre for Change (WCC), a Penang-based non-profit NGO that provides counselling and legal advice for women in crisis. You can email wcc@wccpenang.org, call 04-228 0342 or visit www.wccpenang.org.

You can also call the Women, Family and Community Development Ministry’s Talian Nur at 15999; the Women’s Aid Organisation at 03-79563488; or Telenita at 03-7877 0224.