I’M a simple wife who dislikes having to do things alone. But my husband is always going outstation, and my expectations of quality family time have gone down the drain.

My husband’s work life involves lots of entertainment and even, unbearably to me, night club visits with those GROs as well as incentive trips. All entertainment and trips are at the company’s expense. I suspect these expenses have been creatively masked, and as the particular industry is a somewhat regulated one, I’ve written to Bank Negara, the Inland Revenue Board and the Prime Minister’s department highlighting these dubious expenses.

My husband has betrayed me emotionally before during some of those incentive trips, hence my trust in him has been eroded. I was also badly hurt in a previous relationship.

Although there seems to be no repeat of the previous incident, I have very negative thoughts whenever he stays out late or goes on one of those stupid trips.

I’m aware that I should be more forgiving about the past betrayal and move on, but it’s really hard for me, especially because of the inherent “unhealthy” nature of his industry.

Depressed

YOUR marriage is at risk because you think that your husband is fooling around every time he entertains or when he travels. While you are trying very hard to keep the doubts and fears aside, you cannot help being preyed upon by those thoughts that threaten trust and love.

You cannot hope to stop the company from allowing entertainment and incentive trips by writing to the government. The problem is between you and your husband.

You fear being hurt again. Your past and current relationships have sown seeds of suspicion. You are a simple person who probably just wants a marriage, children and a life that ends happily ever after. However, you cannot hope to be protected from hurt and pain by trying to shift the blame and responsibility. If your husband strays, it’s not due to entertainment requirements and incentive trips alone.

Create a happy family so that your man prefers to come home more often. Be understanding, try not to nag or scold all the time. If your husband is sincerely trying to make a good living for you, then your role should be more supportive. It is never easy to be the surrendering wife but you have to learn compromise and patience.

Perhaps you need to do more with your own life than depend on your husband to make you whole. What interests do you have apart from your husband? Get a job, have children, keep busy with things that will make you happy.

Never centre your whole life on your man or you will have a tough time managing your pain. Divide your time and life so that you will not feel helpless and empty should your husband ever disappoint you.