Dear Annie,

During the 30 years I have been married to "Wayne," he has cheated on me several times. He was always remorseful and I tried to forgive him. He stares at young women to the point where it embarrasses me. He doesn't feel he should have to tell me where he goes, nor does he call when he's going to be late. Lately, his verbal aggression has become worse. I gained a lot of weight when I went through menopause, and although I have since lost 50 pounds, Wayne tells me he doesn't like fat women. He says horrible things to me, and I am now sleeping in the spare bedroom.

I know I should leave him, but I just can't do it. I am a very spiritual person and have put this in God's hands. However, I want to explain to my older children why I have been depressed. Wayne says it is none of their business. I want to get past this, but I no longer know how. He will not go for counseling. Should I let my children know what is going on?

- Lost in California

Dear California,

No. Unburdening yourself to your children will not be in their best interests. Wayne has not been a good husband to you, nor is he likely to become one. If he won't get counseling, you can still benefit from discussing your problems with a professional on your own. Talk to your clergyperson, or ask your doctor to refer you to a counselor.