I'VE been married for 18 years and have two teenage children. I can't stand my wife's stupidity. I'm busy, unlike her, and I'm stressed out. She is a housewife (a foreigner staying here on a social pass) and does not understand my feelings.

I used to ignore her whenever she talked to me because she said nothing that was worth listening to. I felt I needed some space so I started to sleep at another house which I rented. I keep this arrangement secret, even from my close friends.

She annoyed me by confronting me about this. How ungrateful. Who bought the house she is living in? Who bought the car she drives? Who pays the household expenses?

I sometimes tell my friends and family how stupid she is, to her face, so she will learn that other people also cannot tolerate her. I think she has influenced our children's mind in a negative way - they have stopped talking to me. I want to remove this woman from my life, but I don't want to be blamed because she is the one who has no ability to satisfy me. How can I convince her to go back to her country ?

Stupid Wife

YES, your wife is certainly not very clever because she chose to marry you. How silly to have lived with a man for 18 years, borne him two children and yet be treated like a fool, without love, respect or dignity. Do you realise that you have been subjecting your wife to emotional abuse and neglect? Insulting her in front of friends and family, belittling her, ignoring her and not talking to her is being very cruel.

Why do you think your children have stopped talking to you? They see the tyrant that you are, the mean and callous husband who has been mistreating their mother for so many years.

You have stopped loving this woman and want to get her to leave you. Showing your true feelings, staying in a rented house, and allowing her to suffer in silence is your way of trying to get rid of her. You want to look good to others, so you make sure that this "foreigner" knows she is a mere irritant in your life. You want her to get out on her accord so that you can be absolved from this failure of a marriage.

You are a selfish, sadistic man. You know your wife has no choice but to tolerate your mode of torture because foreign spouses in Malaysia have no other recourse if they do not want to lose their children.

Divorce means that she will have to leave this country as she needs you to renew her visa every year. The good news for you is that you can apply for permanent residence for her. If you want to be rid of her so badly, allow her the option to remain. Tell her that you want a divorce once she gets this status. Give her a lifeline so that you can live without regret and hatred brewing in your dark heart.