updated 7 Jan 2011, 13:51
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Mon, Oct 11, 2010
The Star/ANN
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Turning out to be like his father

MY parents separated when I was five. My father had an affair with a GRO, who bore a child.

After my SPM exam, I was supposed to continue my studies but Dad was hit by the financial crisis. I had to work two jobs to support my mum.

I took out my frustrations by drinking, smoking and taking drugs. Now I'm back in college doing my diploma, but my problems do not end here.

When I was working two years ago, my boss took me to meet prostitutes. I've continued to frequent those places with my friends. Recently, a prostitute caught my eye. She is 19, very laidback but likeable. We had sex once and now I can't stop thinking about her.

I've had sex with many girls, but whenever they wanted to have a relationship with me, I would just ignore them totally. These girls are usually pretty and sexy. I hate myself for all things I've done, all the hearts I've broken.

I had always promised myself that I would never turn out to be a womaniser like my father, but now I don't know what to think of myself anymore. He only gives mum and me a small allowance and we barely have enough to get by every month.

I used to be bright; at one point I was playing football at state level and was one of the top students in my school. Now, I've lost my spark in life; all I can think about is - when is my life going to end?

I don't even know why having a prostitute as a girlfriend would ever cross my mind. I feel like doing crazy things to earn money so that I can pay for sex with her.

Lost soul

LIKE father like son? Your deepest fear of becoming the man you hate seems to have become a reality. You have sex without love or commitment. You think you have fallen for a prostitute. And you now hate yourself as much as you hate your father?

Messing up your life with drinking, smoking and drugs is not the answer to your deep-rooted pain. You need to come to terms with what your father did so you do not subconsciously push yourself to reenact his deeds.

You are not like him. You are intelligent and still have the chance to be a better man. But if you continue to lose faith and trust in yourself, you will never be happy.

Accept that your father had failed you and your mother. There can be no excuse for the way he behaved, but he is now your past. You must live for your future and not degrade your life. You have to take care of your mother, so focus on that responsibility. If your father did not love you and his family, you do not have to be like him.

Falling in love with a prostitute is not the worst sin. But failing to love would cause a lot of pain and hurt. Why do this to yourself when you could have completed your studies, found a decent job, and earned a good living?

You have to lift yourself out of this self-made hell. Blame no one for the person you have chosen to become. If you can still love yourself, love your mother and the woman you have fallen for, then you should do your best to overcome the hatred that is destroying your soul. There can be no excuses to give up on yourself when you had excelled academically, in sports and at work.

You are not like your father. Use this mantra to drive to you to a better life, so as not drag yourself down further into emotional hell.

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