I NEVER thought that I would be writing to you. I’m a single girl in my early 30s, I have feelings for this guy, R, whom I have known for almost four years. The company I work for deals with his.

At first I disliked him but after working together and getting to know him better, I have discovered that I have fallen for him. I guess the problem is that it is one way. He does not seem to show interest.

I tell myself that I must let go of my feelings for him. I contacted him less and kept myself busy so I would not think of him. Slowly, I began to feel better but one day, he called and all the feelings of longing for him came back to haunt me.

It is so difficult to love someone and now (again), I am trying hard to forget him. It is so hard to let go especially when I have to deal with him (in our business). I think that I should really cut off these ties and that I need to move to a new environment/job. I am planning to but it is killing me in the meantime.

Plain Jane

WHY have you wasted four good years of your life pining for a guy from a distance? One call from him and you get into an emotional knot?

You do not have to quit your job to forget a man.

But you can put your heart and mind to rest by taking the initiative to take on the challenge of attracting him.

Since you have every opportunity to meet up with him or call him about work, stop being a wallflower! Many women have no qualms asking a guy out for drinks, lunch or dinner. You can make every excuse, take on any opportunity.

Never think that you are plain and not good enough. Pump up your esteem and confidence with a makeover.

Try on new styles, makeup and walk with your head help high. Feeling more attractive will put a spring in your step and sparkle in your eyes.

Do not hide away the next time your fellow shows up. Go up to him, talk to him. Perhaps he is shy too and needs some encouragement. What have you got to lose by being less passive?

Do not think less of yourself for wanting to get your guy. This is a new millenium for women and we are in control. If you like the guy, there is nothing wrong in sending out strong signals. If he is not interested, move on.

Thinking and longing in secret is an absolute waste of time. What about other guys out there? Surely you are not thinking of packing up love just because one bloke doesn’t know better?

Take pride in yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. The problem is not with the guy but the way you see yourself. Being a woman, sure and confident about her looks and sexuality is added allure.

Let the guy know you better or how could he be interested in the person that you truly are? So go get him before your first love slips away.