MY husband and I dated for eight years before walking down the aisle four years ago. We met in our early 20s while studying overseas. After working abroad for a few years he decided to move back home to fulfil his duties to his family, being the only child.

My career was going well, but I did not want to place that and my lifestyle over him. We got hitched a year after that and I was looking forward to building our lives together.

A few months ago, I caught him lying. My gut instinct has been telling me for a while that something isn’t quite right. The truth came out – he had been seeing a girl for a few months.

He entertains a lot in his job, so that did not take me completely by surprise. But I was utterly disappointed and shattered. We had broken up over another girl before during our early dating days.

In my anger, I told him to move back to his folks whilst we think things through as I couldn’t stand being in the same house as him. It never crossed my mind that he would pack up and leave within 48 hours.

There was not a trace of him left in the house. He went into hiding whilst I had to explain to our parents what happened.

When we finally met, he said it’s better to end it, cut our losses now as we’re still young and have no kids. Even if we were to give it another go, how would he face my family or friends.

I guess he’s not confident that he won’t stray again. He also said we should have dated other people when we moved back, we did not evolve together, and he got bored with our relationship.

His actions show me a new side of him. He is usually responsible and dependable and I never thought he was capable of just abandoning me. He was anxious about getting the divorce but more than a month has passed and he’s done nothing about it.

His family harbours hopes of reconciliation and assumes this is a phase he’s going through. And as his wife, it’s my duty to stand by him.

My head tells me to let this relationship go, that I deserve someone who treats me right. But a tiny thread in my heart is pulling me the other way. He has been such a big part of my life and I always regarded him as my best friend.

How can someone turn his back just like that? How can something that felt so right reach a point where you don’t even get a second chance to make things work? Does he not find it wasteful to throw what we have away just so he can flirt around with other girls?

Already Gone

YOUR husband decision’s to leave within 48 hours shows that he was emotionally geared for this step. He has spelt out the reasons for not turning back. How do you hope to sustain a relationship that he feels is a mistake after so many years?

Do not be swayed by family or pride. This is the raw painful moment when you have to face the truth and plan your own future. You suspected that he has found someone else. He finds your relationship stale and boring.

He couldn’t wait to get out of the house the moment you gave him the opportunity. If you had wanted him in your life, the worst you did was to kick him out physically into the arms of another.

Do not take all the blame for his betrayal and desertion. He must have felt stifled for a long time, to move so quickly. Sorry, but he probably wants to evolve on his own now that he is moving in different circles, as he succeeds in his career.

He is like a child previously deprived of all the glitter and toys. Now, he wants fun, thrill, excitement and passion. Marriage spells constraints, commitment and responsibilities. He wants out, regardless of the pain and hurt he is causing you and his family.

A man can be very selfish when he needs to feed his ego. When women find him sexy, attractive and successful, he wants to believe that it is his right to enjoy it all. He wants to date other women and he is not shy about telling you that.

How do you forgive a man who never gave thought to his words? If he cares about you, he will not hurt you so blatantly. It would have been honest and sincere if he had fallen out of love and believed that you were better off with someone else.

Accept that your marriage is over. Perhaps this man will wake up one day and realise that he has made this huge mistake. It would be your choice then to give this relationship another chance.

But now, move on. Concentrate on your own career and be open to finding love with another. You, too, can evolve successfully without a husband.