If you are the child of Ms Anita Fam, chairman of the Marriage Central Advisory Board and vice-president of the Asian Women's Welfare Association, you do not just ask politely and sweetly for a pet hamster and hope to get it.

Two years ago, her daughter Gillian had to write a 'report' before she got her furry friend.

'She had to state five good reasons why she wanted a hamster, promise to clean the cage every Saturday and pay for it with her own money,' says the 47-year-old who is married to publisher Goh Eck Kheng.

'I completed the report in less than a week and still look after the hamster very well now,' says Gillian, now 11 years old.

Ms Fam and her husband also have a younger son, nine-year-old Timothy. The family lives in a bungalow in King Albert Park.

In addition to being particular about disciplining her children and training them to be independent, she also makes it a point to spend quality time with them. They gather as a family on weeknights in the master bedroom to watch television shows or read, before praying together.

On weekends, they dine out, frequenting Wishbone Restaurant at Bukit Timah Plaza, Tetsu at Tanglin Mall and Epicurious at The Rail Mall.

Ms Fam, who will be speaking at the Maybe Baby Seminar organised by voluntary welfare organisation I Love Children and The Sunday Times on Saturday, is careful with her children's diets: They eat only organic food at home and indulge in dessert only once a week.

She says: 'They can choose whatever dessert they like, including ice cream, when they are out with us. But, as with soft drinks, they are restricted to only one special dessert for the weekend. It's fruit for the rest of the week.'

Gillian, a Methodist Girls' School student, volunteers that a stall in her school canteen sells french fries every Wednesday. But when asked whether she eats that without her mother's knowledge, she looks at her mother and smiles without saying anything.

What's the mother-daughter relationship like?

Anita: We're pretty close yet give each other space. We recognise that space is important for everyone. We get the hint when she goes into her room or plays her music.

Gillian: Yes, but Timothy doesn't get it. He'll still try to disturb me.

Anita: That's because you guys are close. They are like best friends, but won't admit it.

So, Gillian, you don't fight with your brother?

Gillian: No. This might sound weird but we always play with our stuffed toys together. I have Pink Rabbit, while he has Puppy. We'll play imaginary games with them. But once, we were doing a photo shoot and the photographer said that we were photogenic. Tim said that I'm unphotogenic so I hit him with my pencil case.

Anita: Those are rare cases, though. They do get along very well.

How do you discipline them?

Anita: I liken child raising to dog training. Both children and animals need routine and thrive on consistency. I am particular about them going to bed by 9pm on weeknights and about 10pm on weekends.

Gillian: Yes, but I usually stay awake later than that. My mummy doesn't scold me, though.

Anita: Yes, I don't scold them. But if someone's naughty, we withdraw their privileges such as watching television shows or playing Nintendo Wii or DS.

Gillian: Tim called my friend a bad word on my birthday. He couldn't play computer games for a while.

Anita: When they were younger, we used the 'naughty corner' method. We don't believe in corporal punishment, definitely no caning.

Do you monitor their studies?

Anita: It sounds like I'm a bad mother but I actually don't check their work. Since she was in Primary 1, I have taught her to study independently. So for a few years, I was under the impression that the school never gave out homework. But it's actually because she doesn't bring it home. And I'm not the typical mother whose life comes to a grinding halt just because of examinations.

Gillian: What I love best about my parents is that they don't pressure me hard about my school work. And, they love me for me.

Is she allowed to go out with friends?

Anita: We do not allow her to go out with her friends alone as we feel she is too young. She can go to the homes of her friends for play-dates only if we know their parents and have been in touch with them personally.

With two domestic helpers at home, do Gillian and Timothy help out in the house?

Anita: We make it clear to the children that our helpers deserve full respect and are not their slaves. The kids are trained to look after themselves.

Gillian: I like doing things for myself.

Anita: The kids also do chores, especially if they want to buy a new toy. So they will help wash the dishes, clean their rooms or wash the car.

Who does Gillian take after?

Anita: We always joke about us looking like each other, and she has unfortunately inherited my tummy. But she's more like my husband, as she's quieter and loves her books.

Anita, you got married when you were 35. What advice would you give to couples who get married late and want to have children?

Anita: Go with the flow and don't be too scared to have children. For my husband and me, our level of maturity was much higher. Parenting might have been different if we had been 10 years younger raising our children. Back then, I wasn't ready to have kids.

If the parent-child roles were reversed, would you do anything different?

Gillian: I would do the same thing as my mum, but maybe have more time to stay awake.

Anita: I wouldn't want to change anything. Gillian is a really good girl and I'd be like her.