I AM an unmarried mother with a three-year-old son. I have difficulty understanding my son because he has some attitude problem which I can’t stand. Sometimes even my father and mother can’t tolerate his behaviour.

For example, during breakfast, when asked not to kick the table or the chair, he would pretend not to hear us.

When I ask him to eat his breakfast he would say, “I don’t want.” But when I have finished my breakfast and am hurrying to go to work, he would cry out loud: “Mummy, I want to eat.”

Sometimes he likes to yell or scream. When I tell him not to do that, he would persist. There were times when I had to resort to caning him.

When he is good, he is such an angel, but when he starts his naughtiness, it is torture for me.

Is my son lacking a father figure in his life? Is my love for him not sufficient? I know raising a child is not easy.

– Single Parent

In his bid for independence, your three-year-old son will test the boundaries around him. He will say “NO!” just to see how far he can go with that, and what kind of reaction he gets from the adults.

You are having problems dealing with your son because you are trying to do too much at one go. Toddlers like it better if you focus on one thing at a time. Be firm without being dominating. You do not want to impose your will on him but he must know that you mean business when you set rules and keep to them.

Your firmness means you are decisive and know what you are doing. No amount of spanking, scolding and threatening will succeed when your child knows sooner or later he will get what he wants.

As you try to discipline him, you feel guilty that he does not have a father. You are probably wondering if he would be better if he has a father.

Your guilt may cloud your better judgment when you deal with his misbehaviour. Your son’s behaviour is typical for his age. When he refuses to cooperate, you can implement the consequences of his behaviour.

For example, when he refuses breakfast when it is served, you should just remove it without fuss. When there is no “battle,” your son may soon join in when it is breakfast time.

Help him learn what is best for him. Set limits that are age and developmentally-appropriate for him.

He has a short attention span and he needs a lot of attention, especially when he has something to say.

At breakfast time, he can use a moderate voice to say what is on his mind. If he kicks the table or screams, he will have to leave the table.

Offer him encouraging words when he does well rather than only give him attention when he misbehaves. You are showing respect for his needs and wishes but not giving in to his whims and fancies.