NO shrinking violet this First Lady. She wants to stand up and be counted.

Datin Seri Rosmah Mansor, in her one year as the Prime Minister's wife, has travelled and met her counterparts from different countries and come away realising that they share similar problems and have much work ahead of them.

She says she would "feel guilty" if she didn't do her part now that she is in a position to make a difference.

But that doesn't mean that her husband and family don't come first. The minute Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak walks through the door, she is there for him and fortunately, he is able to switch off the work mode. But more often than not, she only gets "the tired part of his time".

"When he has time, he will make it a point to be with me and the children. At night, we normally have lots of dinners together. We do a lot of talking in the car. When he comes back, he will spend 15 to 20 minutes talking to me until he cannot open his eyes.

"We accept that this is the life we're leading. I'm adjusting, he's adjusting," says Rosmah in an interview with The Star at her Jalan Duta home.

Elegantly dressed in a pastel pink and red baju kurung with beadwork and diamante, she had just returned from Parliament House where a lunch was held to celebrate All-England champion Datuk Lee Chong Wei's spectacular win.

"Chong Wei is like my son. He calls me before he plays and if he wins, he'll call to let me know," says the proud patron of the Badminton Association of Malaysia.

Apart from badminton, Rosmah spoke openly on a wide range of subjects – from her role as the First Lady and the prime mover behind the Permata programme to helping to obtain the release of a Malaysian student detained in Egypt and being touched by the underprivileged in Zambia and the children in Sarawak.

Below is an excerpt of the interview.

Has the one year as the PM's wife been what you anticipated?

I'm never conscious of the fact that I'm the wife of the Prime Minister of Malaysia. Only when I go for functions and people address my husband as the Prime Minister of Malaysia that it strikes me.

When I go home, I feel I'm only Rosmah, wife of Najib. At home, we're just like any husband and wife. Our relationship is just like that of any other husband and wife. Of course, my husband and I don't spend that much time together as much as before. But that is something I have learnt to accept. I suppose like any other marriage, it is about give and take.

Then again, my husband is busy and I'm kept very busy because I get a lot of invitations to launches and have programmes of my own. I'm also invited to give keynote addresses here and overseas. I find that very exciting. It is something new. I'm taking it all in my stride.

What have been the highlights?

I have enjoyed meeting my counterparts from other countries. I find them very friendly, very approachable. They're just like any of us. I can talk to them like how I do with my friends.

And I find these First Ladies very engaging. We face similar problems in our respective countries;it makes me feel ... I wouldn't say good but it makes me feel that it's normal. They share too what the Opposition (in their country) does to their husbands; we end up laughing and saying: "Oh fine, I guess that's what they're supposed to do." Whether you do good or bad, they will oppose you all the time; it's a universal problem.

We share many similar values, what we want to do for the people, for the children, and especially for the women. We discuss how to go about doing it. We attend talks together. I find it very exciting. They accept me as part of the group even though I am the new kid on the block.

Any downs, apart from the lack of time with Datuk Seri?

I don't allow the downs to affect me. I'm a very positive person. I always think of the things that I have, rather than the things I don't have. If you concentrate on the things that God has blessed you with, rather than the things you haven't got, you find that you're a much better person. If you can help people, help them. For those who must criticise me, let it be. Let them go on as much as they want. It shows that they're dissatisfied with certain things. I don't dwell on that.

You are a highly visible First Lady. How do you see your role?

In the countries I have visited, I find the First Ladies very visible. Some of them are outspoken, they contribute a lot to their societies. In Trinidad and Tobago, the wife of the president is not only appointed a senator, she is also the minister in charge of local housing. If she's suitable for that position, she should be given the chance to contribute to the well-being of the country.

In Singapore, the wife of the Prime Minister is in charge of Temasek Holdings. Why not? She's capable. We should recognise the quality of a person.

Like in my case, if I'm able to contribute, give my time, energy, knowledge for the betterment of the lives of the children and women, why not? I would feel very guilty if I'm capable and I'm not contributing. The time has come for the First Lady to be actively working together with the other women to achieve whatever they're fighting for, as long as it doesn't break the law or go against your religion. Your husband understands it and you know your limit.

If there is any change, people will resist, that's what I learnt in my sociology paper. But after a while, if they know they're going to benefit, they will learn to accept it. I take it in my stride. I feel I want give my services to the country. If they don't want it, just tell me, "Rosmah you stay at home."

But my children have grown up. What do I do? I can't be playing badminton all the time. I can't accompany my husband all the time. But I'm educated, I've got my Master's. I think I've put that aside for a long time. I wasn't able to contribute because my husband was a minister. I was only doing little things, volunteering here and there.

Now I'm in a position to contribute much more than before. I feel that it is my duty to do it. And even in the Quran, it says that if you're in a position to help, you should do it.

Is the PM supportive of the work you do for women and children, especially in Permata?

Yes. You must understand that not everything comes to his attention. When women come and confide in me on matters related their gender and children, about the things I could do for them, I just whisper to him. Of course, he doesn't take it all at that time. He will consult others. I don't decide on my own; I have to make that clear.

I've got a group of professionals, be they professors, volunteers or NGOs, with me. We brainstorm at meetings; it is a collective opinion of these people. And I feel we have to bring it forward to the Government. And if I can do it, why not?

What do you do to be a supportive wife?

When he's under pressure, I don't disturb him at all; I can read his mood by his facial expressions, by his body language. But I also know my husband is very good at switching off the moment he walks through the door.

He'll look for me and we will sit down, we will laugh, we will joke. Being humourous is a therapy in itself; it is good for me and him. So we do make each other comfortable, we do make each other forget the problems.

I don't force him to confide in me. But when he wants to talk to someone, I'm the closest to him. I'm often asked, "Does he speak to you?" I say, "Look, we're just like any other normal husband and wife." But then, he knows what to tell and what not to tell. Sometimes, I probe, he stops and says, "No, it's on a need-to-know basis."

As the wife of a leader, you must be very discerning in what he can say and what he can't. It is very important to be very objective, unemotional, practical and know how to appease your husband, especially when he's under pressure.

Is that why you often travel with Datuk Seri?

My husband is one person who wants me to be with him all the time, especially when he goes oveseas. He doesn't like to be alone. When he comes back into the room, he wants to speak to someone and he knows I'm there to laugh and to joke with him, to make him feel good about himself. I think that's very important for a man. We're the best of friends. We have our opinions and differences some times but we don't force that on each other.

You have said before that the PM has no time to go shopping. He has been wearing bright striking batik shirts; have you chosen a new look for him?

I don't know if it's a new look, but it's a new fashion. I find that vibrant colours suit his skin tone. It looks good on him; he likes it. It's batik but it's different. Whenever he goes overseas, I find that they like what he's wearing. The children like to see their father in vibrant colours as well.