Hi, my name is Andy and I am a born- again dad, second-time father, first-time columnist.

Sarah, my second daughter, was born last week, 11 days ahead of this new parenting column.

It would have been a neat tale of two new beginnings in the same week, if she came into this world like she was supposed to on March 1 by planned Csection. (And, no, I did not decide when this column would start. I have only slightly more control of editorial matters than biological changes).

As it is, her unexpectedly early arrival is apt for this fortnightly record of a lifelong exercise in responding to the unexpected. To paraphrase an axiom, parents propose, children dispose.

No, of course children are not almighty and any expert will tell you they should not be the centre of your lives.

But try telling that to this father already twisted around his elder daughter Faith's little finger (hence the title of this column, which suggests she is in control of at least as many situations as I am. Seriously Parenting would be a misnomer).

I am on leave as I write this and I have to be very firm with her that Papa is working and cannot play with her or carry her right now. So the best way to make that clear to her is... to bang away on my notebook computer in Starbucks.

Ah, a little respite from the two girls. Having two young children is not 1 + 1 busy; it's busy to the power of two. The change is exponential, as is the joy.

While I am enjoying a little me-time (albeit for work), why not go ahead and make this inaugural instalment of Seriously Kidding all about me?

This week, it is all about what I want - what I want for my two daughters.

From the time Faith and Sarah were conceived, I prayed the same qualities for them.

Most important is for them to have the right values. Not to be preachy or anything, it is just that my wife and I have been terribly annoyed by rude, bright kids the way, I suppose, Hannibal Lecter was a thorn in Clarice Starling's side in the movie Silence Of The Lambs.

It would be great if this column displayed the right values, too. I do not always behave in the right way in public and at home, especially when the comfort, safety and well-being of my daughters are compromised in the slightest way by inconsiderate adults or bullying kids.

But here, I hope to think a little before screaming my head off.

Beauty is next on my wish list for Faith and Sarah. If they grow up to approximate the beauty of Italian actress Monica Bellucci, I will be more than happy even if people say my writing is about as pretty as, well, me.

Wanting beauty for your children is not as superficial as it seems. You will know what I mean if you have ever given a gorgeous cold-calling insurance agent a fraction more time than you would a plain-looking one.

Paired with smarts, beauty goes a long way, as long as you do not depend solely on it. The world needs another ageing, Botoxed beauty queen like it needs another cold-calling insurance agent, gorgeous or not.

Intelligence and wisdom, of course, cannot be underestimated. So may they be cleverer than I will almost certainly sound in this column. I promise, however, to pretend to be a fount of wisdom, dishing out life lessons.

Another thing you cannot buy from the many children's shops selling things you never knew you needed (a pacifier chain? Wouldn't a string do?): that Faith and Sarah would find favour with everyone they meet. Who says lookers do not rub people the wrong way? Just ask Fiona Xie.

A healthy weight, never under- or overweight, would be excellent for my girls, too, as a little gravitas would be nice for me here. Too much weighty talk and I would be a preachy bore. Too little, I would be a failed stand-up comedian.

Also essential: being wise to the ways of the world without conforming to all of them. For parents and children, it is all too easy to get caught up trying to catch up with the Tans and Lims, enrolling in every class that could make them smarter, faster, stronger, higher, better than their peers.

Most of all, here is hoping I do not become unhinged if my daughters and column do not fulfill all I hope they do.

'Keep calm and carry on' is good advice for anyone, be they journalists or parents or both. If only I can listen to my own advice.

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This is the start of a fortnightly column

This article was first published in The Sunday Times.