HIS father's deathbed wish was to bar him, his only son, from attending the funeral in July last year.
Why? He had gone against his parents' wishes and married a woman 14 years older than him.
When the 39-year-old store manager and his 53-year-old wife turned up to pay their last respects, family members chased them away.
William, who has two married younger sisters, told The New Paper on Sunday: "Till today, I still can't believe that my mother chased me away from my own father's funeral. I cried and I even went on my knees to beg her but she just refused to relent."
His businesswoman wife, Grace, added: "I offered to stay away but it was like, no means no."
The couple asked that we not use their full names.
Throughout the interview at their Bukit Timah terrace house, they held each other's hands.
On Wednesday, The New Paper reported that a 23-year-old man's parents, incensed that he is dating a 43-year-old woman, allegedly abused and attacked her.
William and Grace know what that can be like.
He said he was especially hurt because he had been close to his mother till he began dating Grace nine years ago. As his father was conservative, he kept the relationship a secret for nearly a year.
When he finally brought Grace home to meet his parents, they went ballistic. Said William: "It was a complete disaster. My father stormed off into his room and my sisters kept making snide remarks about Grace.
"My mother just sat at the dining table, staring stonily at us without saying a word."
Grace said: "I'll never forget that experience, however much I understand my in-laws' feelings."
It wasn't easy with Grace's family either.
She said: "My parents were convinced that William was a 'chi ruan fan' (Mandarin for a man who lives off a woman) and a good-for-nothing."
She admitted: "It didn't help that William didn't seem capable of keeping his job for long."
But she defended him, saying "he was only looking for one that suited him best".
The couple had met at a mutual friend's wedding – where they were drawn to each other's quiet ways.
They began dating seriously six months later.
William said he didn't find their age disparity an issue. "Grace was a fresh change from the younger girls I had dated. She didn't demand my constant attention. She also didn't expect me to pull the flower-wooing routine or ply her with surprises all the time."
He appreciated her maturity and found it easy to share his thoughts and concerns with her.
Grace took a little longer to accept his courting.
She said: "I was unsure at first because I couldn't tell if he was serious. I also had to learn how to cope with the gossip among my business associates. I heard names like 'toyboy' and labels like 'desperate', 'cougar-love' – all of which made me uncomfortable."
The turning point came when she fell sick in 2003 during the Sars outbreak.
Grace said: "It was a bad bout of flu but those around me – including my parents and sister – wanted to play it safe. William was the only one who stayed by my side to take care of me. I realised I could depend on this man – I felt protected, loved and cherished."
When they decided to get married, both families objected violently, said William.
"There was simply no room for discussion. Each session would end with my mother in tears. Grace's parents did not even want to meet us," he said.
Finally, they opted just to solemnise their vows in a simple ceremony at Canning Rise in August 2005, with William's cousin and Grace's secretary as witnesses.
No one else from either family attended.
Tried to make peace
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While the couple have tried to make peace with their families, nothing has worked.
In a telephone interview, Grace's mother, 75, said in Hokkien: "The whole thing is very disgraceful."
She and her husband had to deal with their neighbours' sniggers. "It was worse before Grace moved out. Ah Will's mother would come to our flat and create a scene," she said.
"Once she climbed over the eighth-storey corridor parapet and threatened to jump off."
She had initially agreed to meet this reporter, but changed her mind after speaking to her husband.
She said: "We just want to forget everything. Our family really don't wish to have any more links to her. Whether she's happy or not, her life has nothing to do with us."
William's mother, 62, who lives alone at her Bendeemer Road flat, admitted that she had threatened to kill herself several times. "I'd rather die than accept that bad woman as my daughter-in-law," she said.
In between sobs, she spoke of how "my filial son was seduced by a wicked witch".
"We'd hoped our son would realise his folly and come to his senses," she said in Mandarin.
"We knew the damage was beyond repair when William came over one night to inform us that he and that woman had decided to register their marriage."
Two days later, her taxi driver husband suffered a stroke. He did not recover fully and had to give up driving.
She said: "If you say we're too traditional, then surely you can understand how tough it was for him to decide he didn't even want his only son to 'song zhong' (send the dead off)."
One of the parents' concerns was that Grace is too old to give them a grandson.
"My husband used to say, 'Our family name is gone forever now, so consider our son dead'."
William said: "I'd been prepared for a rough ride – facing cynical friends and strangers – when I decided to be with Grace. But I never thought the hardest to appease would be our families."
Psychologist Daniel Koh said it is harder for older generations to accept such relationships.
"Younger generations are exposed to more trends, like what's happening with the celebrities. To them, it's more trendy. The older generation looks at practical things, such as grandchildren."
"People focus too much on a number. If you take any age, if the couple are able to communicate well, support each other, find motivation in each other, they will be fine."
This article was first published in The New Paper.
How to be an advanced country? :D
Parents guarding their age old tradition children pursuing their soulmate. No right or wrong....
I wish them both happiness and health in their being together.
Be happy always.
While many of us may say too that it is not our business, yet, society is still cruel and biased to couples like them and especially to the fairer sex. Why is it that older men who are married to much younger wives easily more acceptable?
We have yet to see bull cow eating willowed, dry grass against the preference of soft, fresh, tender grass.
Such scenarios may happen under the following conditions :
1) The pastures are going through a drought and famine season.
2) There are no more grass around. The world is coming to
an end. When you bite a piece of hardened meat, your
false teeth may drop and you may suffer indigestion.