At first, I was determined not to lose Pete. I warned Lily over SMS to leave him alone. She flatly refused and accused me of letting my marriage fail.
It was torture; I just didn’t know what to do. I also kept trying to get him to sleep with me, and even put on seductive lingerie. But he said he couldn’t bring himself to have sex with me anymore.
The last straw was a phone conversation we had. I begged him to come home but he wanted to meet Lily instead and said that if I wasn’t happy, I could
just leave. He called me a jinx and said I was a burden to him.
That’s when a voice inside of me said: “It’s now or never.” Leaving him was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. But I mustered up the courage to move out of his parents’ home and into my best friend’s place. She was my pillar of strength.
Without her, I would have probably gone crazy. I couldn’t function properly for two weeks, often breaking down and crying uncontrollably for no reason.
After two weeks, I called to tell him I wanted a divorce. He was silent, then said he didn’t regret being with Lily. He didn’t even try to change my mind, but I believe he was hiding his shock. I heard from friends that he was certain I would go crawling back to him. I’m not surprised – after all, I had let him step all over me in the past.
Each time he hit me or cheated on me, I had simply taken him back. I don’t know why he didn’t initiate a divorce. Perhaps it was his pride. Perhaps he wanted to have his cake and eat it too – after all, I had been supporting him financially.
We are going through the divorce proceedings now; Pete is still with Lily. I don’t know if I can ever forgive him. I blame myself for what happened – it was stupid to think I had changed him, grooming him into a fine young man. If I could turn back the clock, I would never have married him.
I wish I had been strong enough to leave him when he started hitting me. I stuck by him because we had been together for such a long time. I saw our years together as an investment. It seemed a natural next step for us to marry. I had grown to love his family and they treated me like their daughter.
Age is on my side and I still believe in love. I’m sure there are nice guys out there who will treat me respectfully, but I have been scarred badly by my failed marriage.
The thought of dating again scares me since I have so little experience with men.
For now, I’m focusing on loving myself. When I go out, I doll up to boost my self-confidence – for myself, and not to prove to others that I’ve moved on.
I need to keep reminding myself that I am a beautiful person. And that I deserve a good man.
*Names and recognisable details have been changed to protect identities.
1<< 2<< 3<< 4<< Part 5<<
 |
Get a copy of the March 2010 issue of Her World, Singapore’s No. 1 women’s magazine. Her World, published by SPH Magazines, is available at all newsstands now. Jaclyn Lim, Angeline Tse, Zarelda Marie Goh & Gladys Chung are features writers with Her World magazine by SPH Magazines. Check out more stories at Her World online, www.herworld.com |
Warning Signs : 1)If man is always borrowing money from U and never pays u back... please "drop" him like a hot potato. U do not want to always settle for a man. Have some self respect !
2) If a man a)physically, b) verbally, c) sexually abuses U.... GET OUT of this relationship. It's not worth it in the long run. RUN ....SEEK HELP !
* If he treats U like this before marriage, it will be MORE so within marriage.
* If he cheats on U before marriage, what makes U think he won't after marriage ?
Grieve over your loss & the pain. Good 2 hear that U have a close friend to talk to, cry your heart out to.
It takes time. Forgive .....
When I read about Peter will sweet talk to girls to buy drinks for him.....THAT'S the small sign that spells DANGER. You can never change a person (he or she) who has an attitude of a 'vulture'. Someone who thinks that taking advantage of the more fortunate OR less well-off, is a goner, a loser, a curse to humanity.
By not heeding the small signs, a person pays the price but we all learn, don't we?
So, don't be afraid, just be disciplined and hard-hearted to chop the person off if you recognize the small signs of danger.
Another rule of thumb - It does NOT pay to be nice to ungrateful .....
Another story of facts are stranger than fiction!
If you are prettier than that old lady, move on.
If you allowed anyone to beat you up and hang on, you need to see a psychiatrist.
Move on. Move on. Hope writing this piece is part of the healing process you are going through or had gone through and that you are NOW fully in control of your emotion to make rational decision on 'love' and marriage.
All the best to you.
LU Keehong Mr.
Pick up the pieces and move on :) Don't deny urself of a second spring :D