I’M a nice person and well-loved by everyone I know except my husband. He said there’s no longer any love in our relationship but he still cares for me. He pays for my expenses but doesn’t want to share a bed with me, talk about our disagreements or sort out our status.

Many times I want to call it quits but just can’t bring myself to leave him. I want to tell him many things but I’m afraid that will drive him further away.

We’ve been married 25 years and our two children are studying abroad. No one knows my marriage is on the rocks. Five years ago, we almost separated but I made peace because I believe my children need the stability of a family unit. I did many things to rekindle the relationship because I wanted to grow old with him. I still ache for him.

Sex was still good until six months ago, when he turned 50. He assured me there was no one else and we left it at that. I know he has a problem with his libido but he doesn’t want to talk about it.

Recently, a good friend told me she knew her husband had had another family for the last 15 years. I had suspected that but never raised the issue with her. I asked how she managed her sex life all these years, but she didn’t reply. She said she would seek a divorce once her children were working.

My next question was how she found out about the affair. Her answer isn’t important because I still don’t know where to look for the clues in my case.

I have been miserable. I got drunk and thought of how I should die. I cried my heart out but dare not confide in anyone because the people I know look upon me as someone who has “got it all together”.

I want to give up and walk away, but I don’t have the courage to do so. Should I just accept the situation?

Desperate and Heartbroken

DEEP in your heart, you know your marriage is over. Your husband has stopped loving you, although he cares enough to support you financially. Initially you were resigned to his indifference because you wanted a family for your children. You loved him too and didn’t want to give up a marriage of 25 years. You tolerated the situation because you believed there was no one else in his life.

Now, you suspect your husband has another woman and family. You feel pushed to the edge because you simply cannot accept such betrayal and pain. But if there were someone else, you’d have truly lost your man.

So you gave vent to your fears by getting drunk and thinking of suicide. Sorry, but you should not slip into denial or kill yourself to stop the pain. And you should not keep everything bottled up inside because the pain will only get worse. Talk to someone; get the words out so you can feel better.

You do not deserve this treatment from a man who married you, rejected you, neglected and ignored you emotionally. There are limits to what we can sacrifice.

Yes, we love our children but we need happiness and fulfilment, too. Your kids are grown up and will be able to understand the changes in your marriage. You must be brave and address the real issues and not delude yourself that there is hope for love and happiness with your husband in the long term.

Seek legal advice for divorce, plan your future or consider visiting your children. Talk to them so that you can ease some of your burdens. You are a strong woman who has managed to keep the family together for so long. This is now time for yourself.

Do not be afraid of living without your man. Staying on without love will slowly kill you. You are warm and passionate, a woman of pride and dignity. Do not allow your fears and doubts to rob you of a better life.