AFTER 10 years of marriage, I feel that my life is going nowhere. Living with the in-laws means I have no privacy.
My father-in-law loves to gamble and my husband is following in his footsteps. Both of them are irresponsible men without vision, who are unable to provide for their wives' marital needs (financial support, family commitment, honesty, openness).
I have been supporting my husband financially for years. Every month, he uses his salary and business claims for gambling or other pleasures. He has borrowed money from the Ah-long (loanshark).
When he has no money, he'll be moody and temperamental. I'm tired of advising him to stop his bad habits. I see no bright future and I don’t wish to stay with my in-laws forever. I want to have my own place but I don't think I can save enough money to purchase one. I would like to have children but my husband has never bothered about starting a family. If we do have children, I doubt he can be a responsible and good father.
The man I fell in love with was so full of passion and vision, but he started changing in the second year of our marriage. He always says he loves me, but that is not good enough. I need him to provide for my needs. The emotional, intellectual, social elements of marriage are fading from my heart.
My mother-in-law, who is in her mid-70s, is depressed and frustrated with her life. Her life story is slowly becoming mine – I don’t want to be like her when I reach that age. I know I deserve a better life and there are so many opportunities out there. I’m contemplating walking out of this marriage.
M’sian Hillary
YOU do not see a future with your husband who you firmly believe will not change his selfish and irresponsible ways. After 10 long years of marriage, you are childless, and the marriage is cold and empty. If you do not want to repeat your mother-in-law’s miserable and frustrated life story, what are you waiting for?
If you truly feel that there is no love left for your husband, then you have every reason to leave. You do not have any respect left for this man who gambles his life and your future away. You feel cheated that he is not the man you married.
Nothing binds your marriage and you only feel burdened about having to support him financially and emotionally. He gives you back nothing except heartache, disappointment and pain.
There is nothing to stop you from seeking divorce as you are financially independent and do not have children to worry about. Yet you have stopped short of taking this last drastic step. What is holding you back?
Do you still hope that your husband will change? Should you have any doubt left in your heart, then you must talk to him. Satisfy yourself that whatever you decide, you will not live to regret it.
Have the courage to take charge of your life. Some women love without expectations as they prefer status quo to changes. But you have the right to expect more than a man in your life. If he is never there for you, then why stay when you can do so much more on your own?
