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Wed, Nov 25, 2009
The New Paper
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I blame myself for not stopping him
by Andre Yeo

WHEN Jane (not her real name) allowed her ex-husband to gamble and borrowed money to help him settle debts, she thought she was being a good wife.

When he won, she celebrated with him and enjoyed the gifts he bought for her.

Then, he started losing. And he kept on losing.

His gambling problem finally led to the break-up of their marriage. By that time, Jane had borrowed over $130,000 from friends and family to repay his debts.

Jane now admits she had a role to play in her ex-husband’s gambling addiction by keeping silent.

And by helping to settle his debts, she may have encouraged him to continue gambling.

The National Council on Problem Gambling recently launched the Know The Line campaign to get such people to seek help.

In an interview with The New Paper, Jane, 32, said she first got to know her ex-husband in 1999 but had no clue then that he was a gambler.

Jane, who works part-time in the service industry, requested that her identity not be revealed for her children’s sake and to maintain her privacy.

Later, she found out he liked to bet on 4-D and Toto. But it was on soccer matches that he would go overboard, sometimes betting up to $30,000 per match. She said she told him to cut down on the betting amounts, but he did not stop.

When he once won $100,000 in a single night betting on football, she celebrated with him.

“When he won, he would be generous with friends and family. He would treat us to good dinners and drinks. He likes to have friends around him,” said Jane, who has three children age 4 to 8.

“He would also give his family money by the thousands. He once bought a branded watch for his sister that cost more than $4,000.”

He also bought two luxury watches for Jane. She said one was a Franck Muller and the other a Rolex,which together cost almost $20,000.

Winning times don’t last

Said Jane: “When he was winning, everyone was happy and I did not stop him.He likes to spend.” She said she did tell him to save the $100,000 and to bet in smaller amounts. But the urge to win more got the better of him and he would go all out to win more.

She said: “I told him to save the money. But the sad thing is, very quickly, the $100,000 was lost and he incurred fresh debts.”

Jane admitted that she, too, had problems with money, and spent beyond her means to enjoy the good life. She preferred to dine at restaurants instead of hawker centres because she had credit cards.

Her husband’s family was in the catering business. Their combined income was around $7,000 though it could vary.

They did not own a car and lived in her parents’ four-room flat.

She said: “My weakness is that I like the good life. I spent more than I earned.

“Before I got married, I used to earn more than $4,000 a month and spent $5,000 to $6,000 eating out, shopping for clothes or things for the family, and on entertainment. When I went out with friends, I didn’t mind paying for them.”

Jane, who registered their marriage in 2005 while pregnant with her third child, added that they did not have much savings. The most she had in her account was$20,000.

She said that soon after buying her the two watches, her husband ran into money problems. He had to sell them at a second-hand watch shop just two weeks later.

She did not know how much he got for them.

They never owned property and lived with her parents or in a flat rented from an uncle.

Her ex-husband soon turned to loan sharks. And when he couldn’t pay them back, they sent runners to throw paint at her uncle’s and parents’ flats. Her family were furious and it strained her relationship with them.

Her ex-husband would also stay home and switch off his handphone to avoid being contacted by loan sharks or friends from whom he had borrowed money.

She said that to help him out, she borrowed more than $130,000 from relatives, including her parents.

But she said this made the problem worse.

Said Jane: “By settling his debts, I was also encouraging him to gamble. It was only this past year that I realised I may have been his accomplice.”

Eventually, money problems killed their marriage.

Arguments and shouting matches would often break out.

And Jane admitted that she would throw things around the home like magazines, cups, and stools.

She said: “I am sometimes quick-tempered. My eldest child has witnessed it before.”

In June, the couple divorced. Jane declined to give us her ex-husband’s contact number as she did not want their relationship to further deteriorate.

She said they don’t maintain much contact although he sends SMSes occasionally saying he misses her and the kids.

She said: “I don’t respond because I want to move on.”

She and the children now live with her aunt and she is dating someone in the sales line.

She said: “I do blame myself for not stopping him and for getting my family involved by borrowing money from them.We are responsible for our own actions.

“I am more careful with money now and plan my finances more carefully. I seldom go shopping and eat out only when I’m with friends.”

GET HELP

The National Council on Problem Gambling has a helpline to provide on-the-spot counselling by trained professionals. Those who need help can call 1800-6668 668 on weekdays from 8.30am to 6pm.


This article was first published in The New Paper.

readers' comments
I find her to be quite an annoying person... based on the article.
Posted by Jezebella on Sun, 29 Nov 2009 at 09:49 AM
Jane,you are lucky you eventually pull the brake & end this sour marriaged,if not troubles WILL NO end after so many debts that not been cleared!!!!God blessed you!
Posted by kwokcheeweng on Fri, 27 Nov 2009 at 21:18 PM

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