Q I am a girl who likes to be groomed as a boy and see myself as a “boy” instead of a “man” who wants “mummy’s love” rather than a normal “girlfriend”.

I have had many failed relationships with women. Some turned sour due to my possessive nature while some were envious of my achievements and fairly good looks.

I am a quiet and reserved individual who recently returned from overseas due to family issues. I am in my early 30s and have a good, though stressful and demanding, job in a reputable organisation.

Of late I find myself drawing further away from reality and regressing to become the child in me. Early this year, I found myself a “new life” and “a perfect partner”.

I found B, a fairly sophisticated personality and was intrigued by her and her family history. I trawled (on the Internet) for information and pictures of her. I have made a “life” out of those pictures and have set high standards for myself to be someone who could be with her.

I have even modified some of her pictures to include myself in them. Some curious people around me believe she is my lover.

I have made myself believe that I belong to her. Yet, surprisingly, I do not feel for her romantically. Instead I see her as a figure that protects, accepts and loves me. I think of her every minute of the day.

I am also beginning to lose interest in interacting or talking to real people.

Each time life upsets me, I will turn to B. Her words of comfort, which I create in my mind, boost my confidence. I have even begun to believe that I do not need someone real since I have B as my perfect partner who fulfils my every need.

What worries me is that I am slowly losing touch with reality and prefer this fantasy more than my crappy and imperfect life. After my last relationship did not turn out well, I have practically stopped looking out for someone real.

Moreover, I am not sure of what I want. Nor did any woman approach me as I suppose my contradictory personality confuses both women and men. I am making myself believe that this fantasy is definitely safer than gambling with reality

Am I losing my grip on reality? Will I soon risk losing my sanity if I continue this fantasy?

Mummy’s Girl

A Why would you want to live a fantasy when you are in your prime, blessed with good looks and sound future financial and career prospects?

If you are aware that you are losing your grip on reality and risk losing your sanity, it’s time to delete B from your life.

You should talk to a medical specialist who may be able to explain your need for a mother figure, someone who in your mind protects, accepts and loves you as you are.

You see yourself as a masculine person, but you are not truly sexually inclined towards the same sex. The past relationships probably failed because you didn’t want a lover but a mother. Since you did not elaborate on your family background, it would be difficult to gauge the reasons for your behaviour.

And why do you fear losing your loved ones? You seem very insecure and uncomfortable with reality. You write of your crappy and imperfect life, your regression to the child in you.

Withdrawing from your life and friends, turning to a figment of your imagination to boost your confidence sounds off psychological alarm bells. You need help to understand your emotional imbalance.

You cannot hope to hide from hurt, disappointment and pain. Living with a mother figure concocted out of your need for comfort is creating a virtual safe room for yourself. However, what would happen when you really need someone to talk to, hold and support you?

How would you cope with the truth when you have to accept that B is hollow and unreal?

Do not do this to yourself. You have so much to live for, regardless of your inner fears, doubts and insecurities. Understand your feelings, sexuality and emotional needs so that you need not resort to a fantasy partner. Come to terms with yourself. Until you know your heart and mind, you will always be misled and disillusioned in love and relationships.