MY husband is a bowling addict. He turns a deaf ear whenever I try to persuade him to spend more time on our business and family. He has been neglecting us and the business since he started bowling years ago.
Whenever I complain, he gets angry and says that I nag. So I have stopped complaining. Instead, I try to focus on the business and family.
Our business has been badly affected by the slow economy, yet he is indifferent.
I’m fed up with his attitude and feel we’re drifting apart.
I no longer make any effort to be close to him and he doesn’t seem to mind. We are in our fifties and our children are grown up and leading their own lives.
Is this a mid-life crisis? How can I make him spend more time on our business and family? Must I always be the one to give in?
Bothered by Bowling
IT will be tough to change your husband’s habit after so many years. But perhaps you are not just sick and tired of his bowling. Now that the kids are grown, you want to be freed from the grind of minding the business and have a life of your own.
Since you have always been holding the fort at home and in the business, your husband has taken a lot for granted. He has happily indulged himself because he has you to depend on.
You do not have the luxury of choice and now, you’re feeling disgruntled and unfulfilled. The marriage is dull and predictable and you resent having to continue with the responsibilities of business and home.
Talking to your husband will not help because he has always brushed off your complaints as “nagging”.
Perhaps you should simply tell him you are taking time off to do your own thing. Plan a tour or take off for a month.
Give him no option but to manage the business. When you are not around, he will realise how much you have been doing all these years.
Taking a break from work and routine will also offer you a different perspective. Perhaps you do not need to continue with the business if you have enough savings. You are both in your fifties and deserve time to enjoy all the things you had to sacrifice when the children were younger.
Get your man to travel with you; try to see him through more positive and appreciative eyes. Join him occasionally when he bowls and try to fit into part of his life.
Marriage may be better for the both of you if you can stop feeling angry and uptight about his selfish habit.
Enjoy life and feel better about yourself. You do not have to compromise and play a subservient role when you do not feel happy about it. Relax and take it easy.
Feeling tired and fed up are alarm signals. You not want the pressure to build up until you feel that you want to get out of your marriage.
