WHAT does being pregnant mean?
Having a baby, says a 16-year-old unwed mother-to-be.
What does the baby need to survive?
Breast milk, cereal, diapers and love, she figures.
What about immunisation for the baby?
Or education? Or insurance?
She claims she knows about the injections and will send her child to kindergarten.
But she has never heard of life insurance.
More importantly, does she know about the risks involved in giving birth so young?
That her pelvis is not fully developed enough to deliver a baby?
Once again, no clue. She doesn’t know what a pelvis is.
Yet, that’s what a gynaecologist said teens like her face as they are physically and mentally unprepared to be mothers.
The damage they do to their bodies is beyond their imagination.
When The New Paper spoke to Mary (not her real name) over the phone on Tuesday, she seemed lost about the burdens and responsibilities of raising a child.
She dropped out of school when she was 14. She said that she was not interested in school. She became pregnant in May.
Mary is among a growing number of girls under 16 having sex.
She had sex with a 39-year-old man,who got her pregnant.
She was referred to the Singapore Children’s Society for counselling and spoke to us on condition that her identity is not revealed.
By all accounts, she seems to come from a decent family. Her father earns a decent wage.
Her mother is a housewife who cooks for her five children and cleans the home daily.
Mary said her parents are good people and her siblings do not give them problems.
“I am the bad one. Because I mixed with bad company.” Her son is due in January, So where did it all go wrong?
Mary said she started mixing with the wrong crowd when she was 14 and would come home late at night.
She and her friends would hangout at coffee shops or work illegally as waitresses.
Her parents would get angry and scold her for it.
As she didn’t like being scolded, she ran away, inevitably meeting more bad hats along the way. Some became her boyfriends.
She slept with all of them.
She claimed: “I was 15 when I first had sex with someone. I was drunk and could not control myself.”
The first time she had sex, she got pregnant. She went for an abortion.
“I did not blame him for getting me pregnant because we loved each other. I have had four or five boyfriends. I had sex with all of them. I thought it was normal. I did it because of love.”
Kept age secret
Mary said she knew it was illegal to have sex before she was 16 and admitted that her boyfriends did not know her age.
They were aged between 17 and 19 years old. They used condoms.
Two years ago, she met a 39-year-old in Geylang who was involved in illegal gambling.
He was divorced and already has a child.
For six months, she stayed with him at a budget hotel where rooms could be rented for $60 a night.
She called him her “hubby” because “I love him so much”. When they had sex, they didn’t use condoms.
Why?
Again: “Because I love him.”
One night, Central Narcotics Bureau officers raided the hotel room and arrested the man for drug trafficking. She said he is now in remand.
She insists she is ready to be a mother – despite the absence of her baby’s father and her jobless state.
Loves baby
“I love this baby so much. I am still strong. I can find work. I have experience as a sales assistant. I can work in marketing.
“After giving birth, I will start work. I will tell my mum to take care of the baby. Maybe my salary can be more than $1,000.”
But does she know what a baby needs to survive?
Mary’s innocent answer: “Before the first month, they need breast milk. Then, give them cereal.
“Babies also need love. I have a big family and they can love the baby.”
Her father told The New Paper that he works long hours – from 7.30am to around 9pm– to earn $1,500 a month, with overtime.
He said: “I don’t know what she is doing. I work long hours and can’t monitor her. I blame myself for not spending enough time with her.
“I have no choice because I have to work. Times are bad and I can’t afford to lose this job. It gives good benefits, like health coverage, for me and my family.”
He said he did not want an abortion because the baby did not make a mistake. “It’s my daughter who made the mistake.” And he wants justice.
“I want that man to be jailed for having sex with my daughter.”
That may be so but for his daughter the damage is done.
Dr Carol Balhetchet, director of youth services, Singapore Children’s Society, said: “When girls have sex, it’s an investment in the relationship. When boys have sex, the relationship will be put in a box somewhere because they are just living for the moment.
“The boys are doing it for self-satisfaction.”
And so the cycle continues. Why? “For parents in general,” said Dr Balhetchet, “talking about sex with their children may make them feel as if they are acknowledging their children may have sex later or are having sex now, which is frightening for them.”
A-G: Underage sex on the rise
MORE underage teens are having sex. But there is no easy way of dealing with them or punishing them, said Attorney-General Walter Woon on Saturday.
He spoke about how difficult it was to prosecute such cases as, very often, the offenders are children themselves.
Speaking at the Singapore Children’s Society Lecture, he added that it was difficult handling such cases, especially if the kids think they are in love.
Such cases must be looked at individually. On one side, he said, you have the girl’s parents who feel angry and humiliated and demand stiff punishment for the boy.
But on the other side of the argument, sending the boy to jail may not be the best option. Because both are young, taking them to court may be traumatic for everyone involved.
A person who has sex with a minor under 14 can be jailed up to 20 years with a fine or caning. Having sex with a girl under 16 can land a person in jail for up to five years and a fine of up to $10,000.
Girls below 16 having sex: 310 cases last year 216 cases in 2007
Statutory rape involving girls below 14: 63 cases last year 57 cases in 2007
This article was first published in The New Paper.
