I AM in my mid-30s, married for over 10 years and have two sons, aged seven and nine. My husband and I stopped having sex after our second boy was born. He had some erectile dysfunction problems then, but has since admitted to sleeping with prostitutes. That devastated me.
I am no longer attracted to him and there is no way we will ever have sex again. Other than that, we do have a good relationship and everyone thinks we have the perfect marriage.
These past few months have been quite life-changing. I have been going out with a number of men, both married and single. Currently I have a sexual relationship with a bachelor over 10 years my junior. We are both in it for the sex.
This is not my first extra-marital affair. I was previously involved in an emotional and sexual affair for a few years. The irony is that I feel no guilt over any of my activities. In fact, I feel recharged, liberated and wonderfully overwhelmed.
I know it is not all about sex. But mine has been a loveless, meaningless marriage that’s full of deceit and pretence. I want a real marriage! I want sex to be part of the equation!
Should I give up on marriage and give myself a chance to find love again? Or should I just carry on with this facade, and continue having sex with different partners?
Love and Sex
Response from Thelma:
IF your husband could have sex with prostitutes, then he was not sexually dysfunctional. And if you feel trapped in a very unhappy marriage that is meaningless, deceitful and empty, why hang on? Walk out tomorrow and plan for your divorce.
Do not kid yourself about feeling good, recharged, guiltless, liberated and overwhelmed after using men for sex. Having sex without love will eventually fill you with disgust and self-hate.
You are not alone, without responsibilities. You need to guide your children to a better path for a brighter future. If you want love and marriage again, then you must be fair to your partner. Using someone for sex is worse than paying for physical release, especially when there seems to be spite and vengeance in your actions. Sure, there are many willing men who prefer sex without commitment. But are you truly happy or is it pay-back time for your misery and bitterness?
Understand your own psyche so you do not go for a free fall. You want love and a happily-ever-after marriage. So give yourself this chance to find fulfilment and tenderness.
1. Don't get married
2. Don't have kids
You avoid all the ****..
Many couples are aware of this, so they learn new ways to keep the sex going. Man should abstain from paid sex with young and pretty prostitutes.
Regular, paid sex with younger, prettier girls can be harmful to a marriage, as it afect the intensity of a man's desire for his wife. Thus, the husband's was unable to achieve an erection.
Probably such impatience is created from the intolerant environment and 'rushing' lifestyle here.
The heartache your husband caused may take time to heal or may never heal at all. This depends on how strong are the feelings of both of you to each other and the willingness to forgive and be together again. Remember the vows both of you made to each other on your wedding day. Marriage is not like a fairy tale's happy ending. It's the beginning of your 40 years journey in the life of a husband/wife, father/mother, grand father/ grand mother. No one will tell you the journey is an easy one.
This is a two-person journey. If one of you had already given up now, then, there is no point in moving on.
Good Luck.
At least be fair and find out the reason why your husband look for prostitutes ? Both of you should talk and see where is the problem and if there is a solution. Maybe both of you should go for counseling.
Older generations would be more tolerant and try to reconcile for the sake of the family. Most young couples nowadays would be more selfish and probably just throw in the towel and file for divorce without even bother to find out the reason as they do not want to waste time reconciling. Even when they have kids. Probably such .....
when human is hungry....they think of food....
when human is poor....they think of money...
When almost all things are managed within needs...
The small head or the lobang start to wriggle.....
That is why....Prositution business is on the decline...
So many free and easy.....no need to pay....no penalty...no commitment...
Just for pure leisure...
Do you think of sex when you have been hungry, when you have no money....