I HAVE written to Thelma before and my story was published under the heading, Only a fleeting moment (Dec 29, 2008). I told of how I was in love with a divorcee who is 22 years older and how he never bothered to call me.

After you told me to move on with my life, I got so fed up with the way he treated me that I confessed my feelings to him.

The next morning, I received a text message from him. He said that he had never thought of me romantically, not even in his wildest dreams. He also told me that he would not reply to any of my messages anymore.

A few days after that, I couldn’t stand it so I text-messaged him again. I told him that my exams were coming up and I wanted him to be my friend until my exams were over. He said okay, so I thanked him and told him that I loved him with all my heart and that he meant everything to me.

But then he asked me to stop talking rubbish and said if I kept on harassing him, he would talk to my father or brother about it. He is my brother’s teacher, and said that he was thinking of stopping my brother from attending classes.

I was very sad and upset. I begged him not to do that to my brother because his future would be ruined. I told him not to tell my father because he would be hurt. He didn’t reply.

I told him the problem was between the two of us and he should tell me where I went wrong and I’d fix the problem. His words hurt me deeply as I did not mean to harass him.

He said that he was already seeing someone and when he showed all my messages to her, she didn’t like it at all.

I promised I would forget him and marry someone else. He didn’t reply again.

Then, I asked him to have mercy on me. I begged him many times. After many messages, he finally agreed.

What kind of guy is he? Although he knows I love him very much, he treats me badly. Whenever he goes outstation, I will check the newspapers every day to see if anything bad happened during his travels. I fast and pray for him whenever he falls sick.

I have forgiven him for everything he has done to me but I don’t know how I am supposed to forget him, especially since I hear his name mentioned by my brother nearly every day when he talks about school. Please help me.

Hurt by the Words

THERE is nothing wrong with the guy. You are the problem because of your aggressive-obsessive behaviour towards a man who has absolutely no interest in you.

Perhaps you need to seek specialist therapy to understand your intense feelings for this man. What has driven you to beg for love?

It is apparent that this guy has always been truthful and only responded to your desperate call for friendship to help you get through your exams. He has never done anything to encourage your feelings so you have no reason to accuse him of treating you badly. Confessing your love is harassment when it is unwelcome and constant, persistent, and intrusive.

You must not delude yourself that he is the one at fault. His threat to tell your father and stop teaching your brother was probably his best option to get you out of his life.

He told you honestly that he had someone else in his life who did not like your attention towards him. He was not in love with you and never took advantage of you. Instead of accepting the truth, you put all the blame on him.

You can only forget this man if you stop putting thoughts in your head. Do not lie to yourself. Stop believing that there is hope for love with this fellow. Delete his contact details from your phone, your heart, and your mind.

Concentrate on your studies, keep busy with friends and activities. Tell yourself that you never had a relationship with this man and you never will. Cry, scream, grieve and get over it. Free yourself of this warped and unhealthy obsession.