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updated 30 Aug 2009, 11:38
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Sun, Aug 30, 2009
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Doctors see rise in marital woes
by Cheryl Lim

FEELING depressed because her husband often lost his temper after he was retrenched recently, Mrs Mary Tan (not her real name) began seeing a psychiatrist.

The Tans are among a growing number of couples seeking help for their marital woes as a result of the recession.

Counsellors and doctors my paper spoke to say they have seen a rise of up to three times the typical number of couples with such marital problems.

Clinical psychologist Marina Yap has seen eight couples since the beginning of this year, compared to the usual number of two couples a year.

Consultant psychiatrist Adrian Wang now sees four cases a month, up from three a month previously.

Said Dr Wang: “When men lose their jobs, which form their egos and identities, they feel bad about themselves. They become moody and withdraw into a shell...(resulting in) a breakdown in communication.”

As a result, some women feel that they have to handle two sets of kids – the children and the husband, he said.

Then, there are wives who continue to make demands, such as vacations to Europe or Australia, despite their husband’s job loss.

So what can couples do to recession- proof their marriage?

“A good start would be to acknowledge the problems they face, and how they might have gone about solving it the wrong way,” said Dr Wang.

“It’s also important to remind themselves about the positive aspects of their relationship.”

Tips to help save your marriage

1) Focus on what is important in your relationship.

2) Remind yourselves of the reasons for sticking together – for better or for worse.

3) Do not focus on assigning blame or delving into the past. Rather, work on moving forward together.

4) Talk it out. It provides relief. The reduced tension goes a long way towards holding the marriage together a little longer, allowing more time for you to work through your conflicts.

5) Seek help early. Do not wait for problems to build up.

6) Talk to someone neutral, such as a counsellor in a family service centre, a psychologist or psychiatrist.

7) Be open to the help offered.


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