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Diva
updated 19 Mar 2010, 09:41
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Fri, Mar 19, 2010
Diva
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I'd rather be an unwed mum, than marry my violent ex-boyfriend

36-year-old Alice had everything going for her - she had stayed in Europe for many years and was on a scholarship to obtain her master's degree. She was also a lecturer at a university and almost became a professor, but love set her on an entirely different course. She related her story to U-Weekly.

In 2004, she returned to Singapore just before she handed in her graduation dissertation to marry her divorcee boyfriend of one year. They had met each other online and met a few times, but their relationship had mostly been carried out on the Internet.

While in Singapore, she discovered she was pregnant with her fiance's child, and they decided to keep it since they were prepared to marry. But Alice learnt that her fiance had a violent streak after living with him for a while, and would often abuse her, leaving her with emotional and physical scars, even while she was with child.

She decided to leave him when she was 23 weeks pregnant, and also to abort the foetus. However, as it was illegal to have an abortion when the pregnancy was in its sixth month, her doctor told her that while medication to induce abortion can be administered, the baby will have to be saved when Alice's pregnancy crosses the six-month mark.

Alice told U-Weekly that she decided to keep the baby after discussion with a friend, and to give the child up for adoption once it is born.

But Alice's family was not supportive of her decision, and she moved in with a friend. As her savings were meagre, she decided to take legal action against her ex-fiance to obtain child support for her baby.

In a surprise twist, her ex-fiance refused to acknowledge the child, and claimed that Alice was a one-night stand. Alice got the help of a lawyer, who told her that she only had to get a DNA test done on the child and her ex-fiance to prove that they were biologically related. In the end, her ex-fiance decided to give in and pay for the baby's maintenance, as he did not want to pay for the cost of the DNA test.

Meanwhile, Alice and her lawyer became close, and soon began a relationship.

But their love could not last long. Her new boyfriend had thalassemia, a blood disorder, that made him prone to ill health. However, he loved Alice's child like his own and was supportive of Alice's decision to go public with her status as an unwed mother.

Although they had a good relationship, differences in religious beliefs made it difficult for his family to accept her. When it seemed like they were able to overcome the obstacles in their relationship and settle down, he suddenly passed away, leaving Alice to face her problems on her own again.

But Alice was still able to get by. As she held a master's degree, she could get a good job with a decent pay, and life was still good. As an unwed mother though, she found it difficult to buy a HDB flat, and after numerous appeals, could finally buy a five-room HDB flat.

But with the recession came bad news. She was retrenched from her job, and was unable to find a new job. She could not even keep up with her daughter's kindergarten school fees, who is now four years old.

On top of that, her daughter's father has also stopped paying child support, leaving Alice with no choice but to go to court.

 

For more details, buy your latest copy of U-Weekly at all major newsstands today.

readers' comments


Has it occured to anyone that you shouldn't sleep around before you are legally wed? What has contraception got to do with basic morality? Oh, you mean that as long as one practice safe sex, it is perfectly alright to go sleeping ard, despite the possible 1% failure rate? Doesn't the 1% failure rate then justify to keep sex within the confines of marriage?

Ladies in these situation have made a stupid choice. Period. We should not waste a cent of taxpayers money or provide them with additional concessions if they mess up! Why should taxpayers bear the brunt of their folly? She should just live with the consequences of her actions and not wail in the papers as though she is a victim.

If the man is at fault, she also has a part to play for being .....
Posted by Magenta on Tue, 23 Jun 2009 at 16:50 PM
Interesting, just want to know since he law is often on the side of the woman .... how should woman empower themselves ?? thru stupidty slogan chanting or thru protecting themselves??

I mean a rat flaunting itself, if its eaten by a cat, its the cat's fault..... just as those with low or nomorals would like to say if you have it flaunt it .... hmm wasn't that a prostitute in the ...what show was that that makes it famous?? pretty woman ?? ..... so if your dress provocatively, and walks in a sleazy place ..... its not your fault .... its the wolfs fault?? how come they don't protect themselves and avoid provocation? the law is on their side but yet they decide to tempt it ....

also girls should learn how to choose their men properly, i never can stand those .....
Posted by mcheong1 on Tue, 23 Jun 2009 at 16:21 PM
I am honestly surprised at the level of negativity in this thread.

1. Abuse should not be EVER tolerated. It's like saying a woman deserves to be raped because she wore sexy clothes. Abuse crosses ALL education lines, ALL stratas of classes, ALL races. It doesn't not been someone is better educated does not mean they abuse or be victims of abuse. Many of you need to be educated on this subject and standing up for the abusive men means you condone the behavior.

2. Has it occured to anyone the child may be conceived even if there is contraception involved. NO contraception is full proof. It's shocking that some of you are ready to victimise the victim further by saying she sleeps around.

3. You are judging the child when you say single parent children mostly go .....
Posted by FieryLife on Fri, 19 Jun 2009 at 17:09 PM
Put the child up for sale or adoption.Can help you thru' bad times.Why have the child to remind you of your violent ex.
Both of you do not deserve to have the child,bcos both are violent enough to have sex without protection and lack the basic human responsibilty when decided to have sex.
Give the child up for goodness sake.
Posted by mollimolli on Thu, 18 Jun 2009 at 21:36 PM
I know I shouldn't be speaking up for the man.
Hitting a women is wrong.
But one thing women do not know is that men are very bad(and I mean extremely bad) at expressing themselves. Alot of times it looks like they don't argue back, but they want to...they want to argue back in words(without vulgarities) but their emotions run very wild...and rage overcomes them, then they do what they should not have done. Probably testosterone at play. Some men hit their wives because they have annoying partners. This is not an excuse for them. But what I am trying to say likely the women has a part to play.

Just fyi.
Posted by lEtS_G0!!! on Thu, 18 Jun 2009 at 21:12 PM
The title "I'd rather be an unwed mum, than marry my violent ex-boyfriend" seems totally inappropriate. Instead, it should be "I wanted to abort my unwanted baby after realizing my fiance is violent but it was too late". It's obvious she didn't want her baby and was obliged to keep her due to forced cirmustances. And what has her academic qualifications got to do with anything? There are too many people out there who's less fortunate than her yet and struggling with their finances. She was too naive and made silly decisions despite having a golden career, now who's she got to blame but herself.
Posted by Morinosuke on Thu, 18 Jun 2009 at 20:57 PM


Who is judging the children? Obama happens to be one of the lucky few who turned out alright.... many others went down the slippery slope...

Violent men should be tasered to death! Sometimes I wonder why women who are supposedly so smart end up being in violent relationships....
Posted by Magenta on Thu, 18 Jun 2009 at 10:18 AM
The press is trying to stirsome issues to air their grieves.Yes,these people may be lure into to air their stories but let me put blame but watch what coming with the press report.
Posted by catnmouse on Wed, 17 Jun 2009 at 23:43 PM
Shame on a lot of you. There have been many children brought up in single families which have turned out well...example Obama. These children should not be preconceived and judged. Obviously everyone seems to ignore that the father of the child had been abusive...and had abused the woman. That is the bad example, not a single woman who is trying to take up the responsibility of taking care of a child. I find it shocking that people think she has no right to happiness because she is a single mom. There is NO ethical guidelines against a lawyer falling in love with their clients. Shame on all of you who think this is an easy route to take.
Posted by FieryLife on Wed, 17 Jun 2009 at 21:28 PM
Dear AsiaOne Diva

I am not sure what is the purpose of airing this story. She obviously has a fairly unfair life what with a violent ex-hubby, and an untimely death to her ex-lawyer boyfriend (for some love is blind and unethical it might be for a lawyer to get intimate with a client (reported many times on the forum of AsiaOne by certain lawyer about his amorous affairs with many of his clients!??)), and then the recent retrenchment despite having a good post-graduate education.

It seems that the kid was born as the pregnancy was in an advance stage and not because she wanted to keep the kid initially. Nevertheless, she did keep the kid which is great though she has to raise the kid all by herself until she find someone who will marry her and accept the kid. At least in .....
Posted by Lukeehong on Wed, 17 Jun 2009 at 21:08 PM

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