As you may have noticed, I try to use this space to present new and maybe even radical perspectives on dating.

And I like to expose the shortcomings of traditional dating customs. After all, what's the point of writing yet another hackneyed dating advice column?

Yet, on the of question whether men should pay on the first date, I find myself siding with tradition.
 
Yes, I do see the appeal of the argument that says that this expectation that the man should pay is a socially constructed and potentially harmful gender role.

Despite this, my experience has been that it is perfectly acceptable and even chivalrous for the man to pay on the first date, especially if it was he who did the inviting.

The tricky part is that most men who buy dinners and gifts too early in the relationship are actually trying to buy her affection.

In fact, this is a kind of manipulation and smart women know this.

This attempt to 'purchase' a woman comes from his need to compensate for his self-perceived lack of an attractive identity or character.

He feels he's not good enough just for being who he is, so he feels he has to bribe her with fancy dinner and expensive gifts. Ultimately, it comes down to his lack of self-confidence.

Men should not feel that their worthiness is indexed to how much they can buy for the girl. A good man would not want a woman to feel that she is being bought or that he expects something simply because he has paid.

Go cheap

So to avoid all this potential confusion and hassle, a good rule of thumb is to avoid any expensive first dates.

Especially if you don't have much spare cash, don't go for pricey and fussy dinners. Look for cheap date alternatives that are still fun and memorable. Check out my previous columns for thrifty date suggestions.

An excellent frugal date is to teach her something. Is there something you do regularly anyway that you could easily bring her along and teach her to do? Teach her how to surf or to play pool. Or grab some Muay Thai boxing gloves and teach her how to throw a proper punch!

You'll both have a blast, and she'll remember you forever.

This article was first published in The New Paper