There has been much debate over Ashley Madison lately.

Ashley was adulterous. Ashley was thrilling.

Ashley was banned.

After making some flippant comments on Facebook, I was swiftly informed that Ashley Madison was an extramarital dating site seeking to set up shop in Singapore.

Initially I couldn't see what all the fuss was about. Singapore has openly hosted extramarital dating sites for years at the even-numbered lorongs of Geylang.

Still, I think it's only right and proper that I take my civic duties seriously and explain that Ashley Madison most certainly is not:

The next Lions XII coach

When the name flooded my Facebook feed, I assumed the Football Association of Singapore had appointed another ang moh coach I had never heard of.

Ashley Madison's ambition was to bring men over in their droves, chomping at the bit to get a piece of the action. That sounded like the Lions XII coach's job description.

Of course, when I made a similar remark on Facebook, it was pointed out that this was a serious matter.

Ashley Madison could lead to men spending many, many hours away from their wives and families. He still sounded like a football coach to me.

It's not the worst idea in the world. Ashley Madison could be the very chap we're looking for. Apparently, he's got a tremendous, global track record when it comes to scoring.

One of the TV twins

When this Ashley person initially made news in Singapore, stories were often accompanied with a website photo of half a woman's face seductively holding a finger to her lips.

So I assumed this Ashley was an undesirable American celebrity of sorts.

The only famous youngish Ashley I knew was one half of the Olsen twins, those kids who seemed to appear in the same children's TV show, Full House, for 20 years. But I couldn't remember her surname at the time so Madison seemed close enough.

Apparently, she had gone from wholesome child actress into an abhorrent businesswoman promoting adultery. I checked online and discovered she had become a fashion designer.

What kind of sick clothes was this woman selling? Curious, I asked my wife what particular fashion accessory would turn me into a successful adulterer. She said a bag over my head.

An ang moh cyclist

When the nasty abuse was quickly directed towards Ashley Madison, I assumed he was an Australian cyclist who had cut into the path of a car and a YouTube video of the incident had gone viral.

These guys give ang mohs a bad name and Ashley Madison had thrown another Western name onto the black list.

As it stands, Ashley Madison is possibly the most unpopular ang moh name in Singapore since Winston Churchill said: "The Japanese will attack from the north? Don't be a joker.

Go get me another whiskey and leave me alone in my war bunker. I can't get a signal and I'm trying to download this Ashley Madison app."

A porn star

The never-ending obsession with public morality, sexuality and adultery had me initially convinced that we were about to be visited by an actual porn star.

I had my doubts because Ashley Madison was too innocent a name. Normally, porn stars have ridiculous monikers like Buck Naked and Seymore Butts.

If reincarnation does exist, I genuinely want to come back as the former just so I can stand at a bank counter and shout: "Yes, I really am Buck Naked. Where would you like me to sign?"

Realistically, of course, how would a celebrity porn star's visit to Singapore work?

Even if Ashley Madison was fully dressed, I picture him arriving at Changi Airport only to be blocked by StarHub, M1 and SingTel billboards that read: "This man you are trying to access is restricted by the Media Development Authority."

Armageddon

Our morality is at risk. Our families are in jeopardy. Our parents will divorce. Homes will collapse. Tides will rise and the heavens will fall.

All of that will happen from a single click of a button?

We might have got a tad hysterical in our splenetic outbursts over Ashley Madison. He isn't Armageddon. He's just a website.

If we join hands as a nation and come together, then maybe, just maybe, we will find the inner strength required to overcome... a single website.

Besides, I've seen the end of the world and it isn't Ashley Madison. It's those damn ERP increases.

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