PRISCELIA Chan wants you to hear this loud and clear: I'm NOT quitting.
The 30-year-old MediaCorp actress said she was surprised by speculation on a local forum that she was planning to leave acting for good.
'Not so! It's a bad rumour. You have to clarify it on my behalf or it'll break my rice bowl!' she told The New Paper.
She admitted that she has been busy with other things, such as overseeing renovation work in her Ang Mo Kio HDB love nest with hubby and fellow actor Alan Tern.
She's also pursuing a Business Management degree in the Singapore Institute of Management and will graduate in August this year.
So what sparked the quit rumours?
She admitted she had thought about leaving before.
Despite her good looks and relative youth, her 10-year career hasn't resulted in a blazing resume.
She has consistently been cast in supporting (and occasionally forgettable) roles and, most commonly, as the vulnerable damsel in distress.
But it's not about that. She revealed that 80 per cent of her roles are not 'zuo bo (Hokkien for do nothing)' ones.
What gets her down is the lack of recognition from the company.
She said: 'MediaCorp has too many artistes. They won't praise one openly.'
The sting of disillusion first came in 2003 while filming a crying scene for the drama My Love My Home, which also starred Chen Hanwei and Wong Li-lin.
She wasn't able to hit the right note. In his earnest attempt to get her on the right track, a cameraman pointed out how her years of effort have gone unnoticed by the company.
'I was shocked by what he had said and it really hit me hard. He was right and he had hit a sore spot that I didn't even know existed,' she said.
'I cried and let it all out on set.'
That was the lowest point in her career. But instead of wallowing in misery, she picked herself up and carried on.
She calls it her 'Ah Q' mentality.
Ah Q, the protagonist in the famous Chinese novella The True Story Of Ah Q, is a man who convinces himself that he is the victor even when he loses a fight.
But some things still bug Priscelia.
For one, she has never received an acting nomination, either for a lead or supporting role, at the annual Star Awards.
'I'm disappointed that the hard work I put in didn't equate to what I got in return,' she said.
So what then does she think she deserves?
Laughing, she said: 'A larger salary for one! And I hope to get acting nominations too!
'People seem to think that I'm nonchalant towards this awards game but I'm not. Who's not hard up for awards? Who doesn't want recognition?'
She did break into the Top 20 Most Popular Actresses list four times, though. She said she has never called the hotlines even once to vote for herself, a fact that shocked her friends who were none too supportive in the initial phase of her career.
They even told her to quit, but Priscelia said 'it made me wonder if I was really that lousy'.
She believes she is 'a victim of timing and luck'.
Her dramas tend to be telecast months before the Star Awards, and by the time the awards are given out, her work is forgotten.
She added ruefully: 'Also, I could do very well but another bigger drama comes along.'
Or sometimes it's to do with the show's target market. In last year's Where The Heart Is, she played a strong career woman - a part she believes would have been her breakout role.
The drama, a co-production between MediaCorp and Malaysia's ntv7, earned high ratings in Malaysia and even helped her top an online poll as the most popular Singapore actress.
But the hype didn't catch on here. Her manager believes the drama was tailored for the Malaysian market and Singaporeans probably weren't used to the slower pace and the accents.
What does she make of The Little Nyonya's staggering five (out of six) Best Supporting Actress nominations at this year's Star Awards?
The show's immense popularity seems to have overshadowed her gripping portrayal of the tragedy-ridden heroine Ruan Erbo in the 113-episode Love Blossoms which aired in May last year.
She said: 'It's nobody's fault. We should be happy that The Little Nyonya has been sold to other countries because the company earns money from that and we will indirectly benefit.
'One can't always think of herself only.'
Some veterans in showbiz have suggested that she change her name for better luck - a move favoured by many artistes here like Felicia Chin and Christopher Lee.
Change name?
She even consulted a geomancer but changed her mind as she didn't fancy the one suggested.
'If you can't even be happy with your name, how can you be at ease and earn success?
'I think it's psychological though; if what they are doing works for them, great. But I prefer to change things that I can control, like my destiny and my happiness.'
She firmly adheres to the Chinese saying that a hero will always have another hero who appreciates what he or she does.
She says her heroes are the viewers who tell her how they have enjoyed her acting and those who keep encouraging her by sending messages on Facebook.
Eventually, it is her love for acting that keeps her going.
'But I'm not in the game for the fame. Nor would I sleep with the management to score a big role, if there really is something like that going on in local showbiz.
'I'm feeling helpless but life still goes on.'
This article was first published in The New Paper.
