updated 23 Jun 2013, 15:37
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Thu, May 16, 2013
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She spent $40,000 on fertility treatments
by Benita Aw Yeong

It was devastating, especially since the pregnancies were so hard won and anticipated.

Mrs Padfield says: "The worst part was that they found nothing wrong with the foetus, which was a girl. She just couldn't attach to the womb. "I couldn't get out of bed for about four days. I just cried and cried. My husband tried to comfort me, but I guess there wasn't much he could do. It was all inside. Subconsciously, I blamed myself," she adds.

Both miscarriages required dilation and curettage, a surgical procedure often performed after a first trimester miscarriage.

"I remember looking at people on the street with babies and having this sense of longing. Thank goodness I didn't look crazy. I'd just say, 'You're so lucky to have such a beautiful child,'" she says.

There were times she felt like giving up, confesses Mrs Padfield. "There were times I felt like I still wanted to keep trying, but at other points I thought I just can't do this any more," she says.

Although she had discussions with her husband about when enough was enough, he never tried to dissuade her from her quest.

"He knows me better. If I believed in something, I would really want to do it and get positive results out of it," she says with a chuckle.

In April last year, she consulted gynaecologist Dr Ann Tan, who recommended another surgery to correct the unevenness of her womb.

She also went through months of acupuncture, despite her phobia of needles. "I hate needles. If there is one thing I cannot stand, it's needles," she says.

In the end, she says it is her stubbornness and tenacity which pulled her through. That, and the $40,000 she spent on the range of fertility treatments. She became pregnant for the third time in July last year, and gave birth to son William on April 2 this year.

Still, the nine months were fraught with anxiety. "My first thought when I found out was 'yay', then 'oh no'. I kept wondering if there would be a third miscarriage.

"I thought frequently about whether the child would have Down syndrome, since I was over 40 when I conceived," she says.

A scare happened when she started bleeding just before she hit the three-month mark.

"I just sat on the toilet and cried and cried," she says. Thankfully, a subsequent scan showed the baby's strong and steady heartbeat.

She was flooded in relief as she felt her son's first kick.

"It's like he was saying to me, 'It's alright mum, I'm still here," she says.

Looking back, Mrs Padfield says it is all worth it. "If I gave up, this little fella wouldn't exist. Sometimes I still can't believe he is here," she says looking adoringly into her son's grey eyes.

Her advice to women who are still trying to be mums? Persevere, and don't give up.

"Don't drive yourself to the ground, and set yourself a time limit. But don't give up instantly, and most importantly, don't blame yourself."

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