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Tue, Dec 18, 2012
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Why spouses stray
by Benita Aw Yeong

His clients get so lonely that they make a move on him. And it's not just the women.

Mr John Vasavan deals with warring couples and unfaithful spouses. His job is to help salvage marriages which are on the rocks.

And he knows a thing or two about why spouses stray, and what to do to avoid being trapped in an illicit affair.

Says the 52-year-old, who has worked as a marriage counsellor for the past two decades: "Sometimes, they stalk us through e-mail, asking to meet up, asking us to come over to their place..."

Happily married for about 20 years himself, he is very cautious about clients who get "touchy" during counselling sessions.

In such cases, he usually makes sure they are properly attired before offering a comforting pat on the back.

He explains: "Some women come for counselling scantily clad. So I make sure to pass them a blanket or jacket before any physical contact happens.

"I also always sit facing the door or window, so that people can see us. You must learn to protect yourself, you know," says the father of three, aged 15 to 19.

Before setting up his own practice a decade ago, Mr Vasavan enrolled for counselling courses and took on cases as a volunteer at the Singapore Planned Parenthood Association.

He went on to pursue a Masters in Counselling at the University of South Australia.

After 20 years of helping couples through tough times, he declares that the number one reason for marriages running into problems is not enough talk.

Wives, for instance, can get so caught up with their kids, they stop communicating properly with their husbands.

And when the children grow up and the women want to reconnect, it may be too late - the husband has already become engrossed in other activities.

But the question remains: Why do people cheat on their spouses?

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readers' comments
don't worry,:D

money will do all the talking.:p

Posted by unemployed777 on Tue, 18 Dec 2012 at 17:07 PM


Many elders will advised against divorce esp when children already hit 15yr old.
Children grow up already.
Spare a thought on them.
Posted by hfourhappy on Tue, 18 Dec 2012 at 17:01 PM


By the time u divorce, you are older and less attractive. Nobody wants already.
Posted by Elements on Tue, 18 Dec 2012 at 16:59 PM
once cannot reconcile,:D

divorce lor.:p

Posted by unemployed777 on Tue, 18 Dec 2012 at 16:57 PM
There are many reasons why spouse strays.
3rd party involved.
Gamblings n drinkings.
Financial issues.
Cannot reconcile due to many factors.
Posted by hfourhappy on Tue, 18 Dec 2012 at 16:52 PM
the words from these 2 horses are more valid.:D

Posted by unemployed777 on Tue, 18 Dec 2012 at 16:48 PM
dont know lah.
must ask Celica Sue, Ng gay , and those people as mentioned in forum page
Posted by maxmaxmax on Tue, 18 Dec 2012 at 15:50 PM


Whether she will be fed forever is the second part of the story lah, the seed of stray had been planted.
Posted by Mocking Bird on Tue, 18 Dec 2012 at 15:44 PM


Just lay in bed like a starfish is not going to get you fed forever!!....the rich man will soon be off looking for an Octopus!!!
Posted by SingaporeUncle on Tue, 18 Dec 2012 at 15:39 PM
Well, if a rich man comes along and says to a chick that he will feed her, and the woman thinks; wow, for the rest of my life I just need to lay on bed. That's it.
Posted by Mocking Bird on Tue, 18 Dec 2012 at 15:36 PM

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