She remains adamant that it was "definitely not lust" that made sparks fly and left lives shattered.

Yet she concedes that she is "not that naive to believe that love had anything to do with it".

It was merely a connection between two people in a lonely battle for a common cause, says the demure, slim and attractive woman.

She knows what it's like to be the other woman in a high-profile scandal. And she says she knows what it's like for a man and a woman to develop strong feelings for each other when working closely together.

The Michael Palmer affair has reawakened certain ghosts she thought had been laid to rest, she reveals.

Ghosts she's afraid will return to haunt her.

"No one really forgets such s***. What I want to avoid is for someone to dig up the past, put one and one together and then drag me into the mud again."

It took The New Paper on Sunday several phone calls and many more instant messages before she finally agreed to share her story.

No SMSes, she insists. "It's too risky. Not that I don't trust you or the newspaper, but these days, it's scary to have SMSes produced as evidence."

She also wants the assurance that she will not be named. "There's too much to lose. I've lost too much already as it is. I can't afford to lose more."

At the height of the scandal, her marriage was severely tested. She and her husband are still married, but the relationship is cordial and they don't live under the same roof.

"We're not separated, for now. There are good days and there are bad days. On good days, we can sit down and have a meal.

"On bad ones, like when the Palmer story broke, the bad memories turn him into a total stranger.

"It hurts so badly because it means for every step we have taken forward, we go back another five steps.

"But I don't blame anyone. I don't have the right to do so. I blame just myself."