I blame Sean Penn.
Since he left Madonna, she has had to re-invent herself as a diva.
Madonna kept us waiting for her concert in the O2World arena in Berlin two hours and 15 minutes.
Way to engage with your fans, your divaness!
Berliners and those who had travelled many miles for our Madge were aghast she had confused her "madge" with "your maj" (short for majesty).
Girl, Guy Ritchie's real Queen is never late.
We expected half an hour, even gave her 45 minutes' grace, but after an hour had lapsed, the natives became restless.
In particular, I personally wanted to strangle the deejay who was obviously elated to "open" for her, spinning an hour of tranza music, with the occasional "Do you want to see the queen, say 'Love you'!"
I got carried away and went "Boo you!"
As the second lot of an hour ticked away, I began composing hate mail.
"Madonna, don't bother to come to Singapore, it's a freakin' boorish behaviour, who do you think you are, Annie Lennox?"
Could it be Madonna was watching the Italy versus Germany game?
Or hunting for a brand new boytoy, Maddie?
In the arena of 6,000, all smartphones went dumb, we could not connect for news on the vital match, kick-off was 8.45pm, and here it was 10.15pm (for an 8pm concert).
Her MDNA tour show curtain finally collapsed to reveal a cloister of hooded monks tolling a church bell, while benediction incense smoked the stage.
Then Madonna entered and all was forgiven.
We leapt from our seats, and for an hour and 45 minutes, the diva ruled.
You know the songs. Who doesn't?
Papa Don't Preach, the familiar's a safe launch, next a set-piece with "die bitch die", gunshot blood splatters the video screens.
Turn Up The Radio, Born This Way, Justify My Love, Vogue, Nothing is Indestructible, Let's Talk About Sex, Like A Virgin.
Evidently the fittest 50-something live performing artist today, Madonna made child's play of her hard work, singing and dancing, marching and twirling, being mauled and tossed by her posse (who may have chosen to support her chorus line above performing for Cirque du Soleil).
Her look was basically blonde in black, backed by a sometime jaw-dropping production design of building blocks, suspended animation, lights and slides, vanishing tricks, disappearing acts.
Is Madonna living out her fantasies of male domination, with suggestions of half fancying women, or could she be just having a nudge-nudge wink-wink great laugh at the world?
After "nipplegate" and "backsidegate" in a couple of other European cities, we were ambivalent about Madonna's next shockgate.
She did a Michael Jackson "crotchgate" involving a napkin - after wiping her mouth - applied to her trouser leg.
She closed (the show, not the trouser leg) with Let's Get Started.
"To my fans in Germany, thank you for your love and loyalty, I never take you for granted."
Yeah, how about our patience? This article was first published in The New Paper.