I never thought of my being bisexual until I met this girl at my workplace last June. We clicked pretty well and soon became good friends.

When I first realised I had feelings for her, I was confused. Was it the kind of reciprocal feelings you have for a good friend? But it was something more.

We spent a lot of time together after work and our colleagues even started making jokes about our being lesbians. Then she told me she is gay and has had a relationship with a girl before.

I didn't dare confess my feelings for her although she had told me a few times, in a joking manner, that she liked me. But that gave me confidence that we might have a future together.

One day I told her I really liked her. She was surprised and said she never thought I liked girls too. She also said it was a big mistake and that I shouldn't have told her as we're still colleagues and things would be rocky should anything go wrong.

I couldn't agree more and felt like a fool. I was heartbroken and didn't say a word about this "thing" between us after that.

Things went along as before until recently, when she said she still likes me. We're more intimate than ever and it feels like we're a couple.

From her actions and words, I believe she's not fooling with me. But I'm really confused. Much as I want to be with her, I'm scared of being rejected again and things could be different this time.

The only option is to confront her, but I've been advised not to, and to forget about this whole relationship thing. Should I follow my heart or my mind?

Confused

It is important for you to understand what you are uncomfortable about. Is it your attraction to someone of the same sex, or is it pursuing a workplace relationship, or both?

It can be confusing when you realise for the first time that you are attracted to someone of the same sex. You may never have thought about it before. In your mind, you probably have played out your wedding day and imagined what your life would be like after that.

And then comes this feeling that you did not plan for, nor think possible. It can be quite disconcerting. You are now faced with questions like, "Isn't it bad?" or "What will dad/mum/friends say?"

You will have to figure out what your attraction to her means. Is it that you like her company and would like to spend more time with her? Is it that you find her fascinating and want to learn more? Or, is it something completely different and you know you do not want a platonic relationship?

Workplace relationships are always tricky. Do you tell your colleagues? If not, what happens if you make a mistake and let it slip? What happens if you have a fight? What happens if you break up? These are questions everyone has to deal with, but with a same-sex relationship, it becomes more complicated.

How will your colleagues react? Will you be discriminated against? Will you lose your job if you are found out? I am sure these sticky questions are going through your mind.

You now have to decide. If you like this person and think that a relationship is something you want to pursue, you will have to deal with all the other office stuff. It would be good for you to check if your organisation has an anti-discrimination policy. If not, you may want to take it up with those in charge.

Lots of organisations, even in Malaysia, have these policies and include sexual orientation as grounds for non-discrimination. As for all the other relationship-related issues, you will have to deal with them in an adult manner and make sure they do not affect your work.

Now, all that is left is your colleague. You are right - you have little choice except to talk to her about it. She may be having the same concerns as you. Perhaps some of the issues I have raised here can help in your conversation with her.

But after all that, if she feels that a relationship is not something she wants to pursue, you will have to deal with that too, and settle for a good friendship. You cannot make someone feel something she does not.