You've been betrayed very publicly. You've been hurt. And because your husband is well-known, everyone knows.

Yet you stand by your man. And life goes on.

Why? You can forgive, says one woman who suffered a very public sex scandal.

But, she adds quickly, it would take a lifetime to forget. She chose to stand by her husband after news of his affair broke two years ago.

The recent string of sex scandals involving high-profile men has one common strand: Their wives choose to stand by their cheating husbands.

But life will never be the same, says Jane, who spoke to The New Paper on Sunday on condition that we do not use her real name to protect her children from re-living the nightmare of the affair.

"Until today, flashes of the affair and what happened after he came clean still return to haunt me."

Indeed, her children, who are still in school is a key reason she did not leave her husband of nearly 30 years.

"Except for my daughter, who is the oldest, my boys, being much younger, are more resilient.

"They have forgiven and, to a large extent, forgotten (about the affair)."

Jane adds: "But it's hardest for me. I won't lie and say that everything is fine and dandy between us.

"It's generally okay, but there are down days, really, really, bad days."

Bitter memories return when she comes across newspaper reports of high-profile married men and their sex scandals, admits the attractive woman, who is in her late 40s.

Among them is former school principal Lee Lip Hong, who was sentenced to nine weeks' jail in April for having paid sex with an underage girl. Last week, he was released early for good behaviour.

More recently, former Singapore Civil Defence Force commissioner Peter Lim Sin Pang was charged last week with 10 counts of corruption in a sex-for-contracts case.

When Jane saw The New Paper's front page on Wednesday, she stared at it for "nearly a minute", she says, and sighed.

Former Central Narcotics Bureau director Ng Boon Gay was accused of corruption for using his position to obtain sexual favours.

But it was the line, "His wife says: I stand by my man", that struck a chord with Jane.

"I was like, huh, do you (the wife) realise how much courage you are going to need to really be able to do it?

"I admire how resolute she is... but I can tell you, it's going to be a rough ride from now. You can fall (out from the ride) and be terribly hurt any time, all the time."

Her husband, who is in his early 50s, is well-known and popular in his business circle.

Jane works in the company they founded.

When her husband's mistress of two years went public with details of their affair, Jane says she suddenly found herself in the spotlight.

She declines to elaborate on the details, but says: "Everyone in our business circle knew about it. I could hardly live with the shame. His shame."

She adds: "It took immense strength to stay strong for our young children."

Jane also blamed herself for not confronting him sooner.

"There were murmurs and rumblings. Some friends even came up to tell me in my face that they had seen my husband at events and functions with the woman," she says quietly.

"But I chose not to listen. I chose to ignore it. I told myself, I didn't see it with my own eyes, so take it easy.

"I chose not to confront him."

It was a mistake, Jane maintains as her eyes begin to tear.

"I should have done something. I didn't, and the affair went on for two years."

Jane walks away and stops to pick up their family photo taken during a holiday last year.

Looking at it, she says: "I gave him the chance to cheat on me. I gave him the chance to hurt me.

"I waited for my husband to recall the promises he made when we exchanged our wedding vows.

"So how can I shift the blame entirely to him? I couldn't, no matter how much I hated him then."

Jane turns around, offers a weak smile and asks: "Don't you agree? You can only hate a person this much if you have loved that much."

It has been two years, but the "healing is still very much in progress".

There had been many months of counselling through their church network and Jane reckons they have moved on.

"Sometimes, it's almost as if the affair didn't happen, but...

"Then always without warning (after coming across) a newspaper report, a scene from a movie or even the lyrics of a song - the bitterness, the anger and the hurt return."

Jane clasps her hands tightly, takes a deep breath and says: "Do you know what's bad? We have not had sex until now.

"I cannot bring myself to let him touch me. It was more than a year before I could let him share my bed."

She knows her husband is trying hard to save the marriage but admits that there have been times when she wonders if she should have just left the marriage.

Says Jane: "I don't know whether it was for his reputation, his face, that he wanted us to work out again."

The couple have agreed to subtle changes and rules.

She accompanies him on most business trips, events or small gatherings with friends. But when she can't do so - "usually on school nights" - her husband would find ways to send little hints to indicate where he is and who he is with.

In a separate interview, her husband says: "I'd tell my friends, hey, Jane wants to say hello, then call her and pass them over."

When Jane found out about Find My Friends, an iPhone application that allows one to pinpoint the location of friends or family members using the iPhone, iPad or iPod touch, she got her husband to install it.

He says: "I do it to give her peace of mind. I don't want her to let her mind run loose."

Says Jane: "I know it's like intruding into his privacy, but I need to assure myself that he's open to my checking."

She admits that, occasionally, she checks on his location before she calls him.

She adds with relief evident in her eyes: "So far, he has not failed me."

This article was first published in The New Paper.

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