I am terribly insecure. I have yet to achieve my goals due to my lack of self-confidence. The fear of losing everything, of failing and of rejection keeps everything out of my reach.

It has taken me many years to discover that insecurity isn't something that pops up out of the blue. It is the result of criticism.

When someone criticises us, it's usually to help us rectify our mistakes. But most of us are likely to take it as an insult, so our self-confidence drops.

I've lost count of the number of times that I have been criticised, embarrassed and looked down upon.

Somehow, it's still possible for me to keep a smiling face and to laugh. It's still possible for me to listen to another's despair and sympathise with her.

I've been told that I am a good listener. But does that make anything better for me?

I guess I am extremely tolerant about everything in life, but not people.

As kids, we were told that only people with good manners will be looked up to. But it has become more and more apparent that only people with good positions are admired.

But it's the kind of admiration that doesn't last.

I've made it my goal to achieve something big in life. Something that can make me hold my head up high and make my parents proud.

I'm not blessed with extraordinary brain power, but I get satisfactory grades. I'm from a middle-class family and there are no obstacles in my way.

I can be a doctor, an engineer, a lawyer, even an astronaut! And no one would care as long as what I do is respectable, in the eyes of the community.

But what is the point of being a successful person in life?

It can make you happy, but for how long?

The definition of happiness varies from one person to another; we can never be sure of what makes others happy.

My definition of happiness is the feeling of contentment. I want to feel contented by helping others.

I want to tell those who are insecure that they are not alone, and to give them hope. I want to inspire others to do the same.

I know it sounds cliched but I never want anyone to fall short of her goal just because she has been pulled down by critisism.

I know we don't always get what we want, but this is the most important thing my rebellious side will not give up on.

Insecure girl

Why do you feel the need to satisfy others and how they see you?

As you say, happiness means different things to different people. Find out what it means to you and go for that.

Also, happiness is more of a journey and not a destination. You will find that what makes you happy today may not have the same effect on another day.

People don't realise that you actually have to work at being happy - having happy thoughts, doing things that make you happy, finding fulfilment from what you do, building something, cutting a toxic relative off from your life, etc.

In the same vein, people define success differently.

For some it may be making a million bucks. For others it may mean making a difference in someone's life.

It could even just be having a good night's sleep, and it would not matter where.

In time, you will be able to come up with your own definition. This, too, may change over time.

What do you mean when you say you want to help people?

Do you think that lawyers, doctors, engineers and even astronauts can't do that?

No one is expecting you to be a martyr, and neither should you.

While you have a certain disdain for the expectations of others, you sound a little harsh on yourself.

It is not who or what you are in life that matters, but the choices you make.

I am sorry that you have faced so much criticism. It is harsh and can be very hurtful.

However, it is heartening to see that you would like to work towards protecting others from such pain.

Good on you! Just remember, though - you can't save everyone.

From my perspective, your energies might be better spent in trying to turn the criticism into something positive, eg, seeing how you can use it to better your skills or abilities.

I am also glad to see that your spirit has not wavered and you are determined to soldier on.

Find your own drum beat and march to it.

Find out what makes you happy, and I'm sure the people who care for you will be glad to see that.