I'VE been married to a kind-hearted man for seven years. We're not of the same race (I'm Chinese, he's Indian), so we didn't exactly have our families' blessings. We are not well-off and have been trying to build a business or rather, struggling to build one. We're both in our late 30s. No kids yet.

I'd had a very stressful job which gave me health problems (almost insane with stress) that I decided to quit about a year ago. Back then, I thought that I could be strong and build our dreams together no matter what it took. I was then very, very optimistic.

However, our business has yet to pick up and our savings are fast running thin. Although I am extremely worried, I put on a strong facade (which I'm good at) and press on. I've taken on paying almost all of our household expenses as he has his own debts to settle.

So it's pretty tough on me. I wish he could bear some of the expenses but I know his problems very well. He just can't and so, I will bear this as long as I can.

It's actually awkward for me to tell him how I feel as the hole in my pocket gets bigger. I love him and want to be a good wife, not a nagging one. So I just keep this to my heart but it's been eating me up lately. Not good, huh?

The main thing is, I am starting to feel taken for granted lately. I mean, I'm only human. Yes, I'm nice, very accommodating and all that, but gosh, I do expect my man to reciprocate and treat me with love in return.

The least he could do is show true effort in demonstrating that he loves me or appreciates what I, as a woman and his wife, am going through with him. He continually forgets our anniversaries, my birthdays (I have to drop hints sometimes) and he doesn't believe in Valentine.

Many times I've told him that I would really appreciate that he pampers me a bit with all that but this stuff seems trivial to him. And he still let me down, year after year. Last year, he totally forgot my birthday. I waited a week for my gift but there was no sign of it. I got so mad and snubbed him for the whole month. He would then apologise by holding my hand or hugging me, like he was really sorry and looked at me apologetically.

I used to warm to that but no longer now. I want real effort. Real, practical effort. Show some action. It really hurts me deeply. I am a woman and would be the happiest woman in the world if he can at least take some effort in all this. Is it such a tall order, Thelma?

I'm starting to wonder how he really sees me. Am I a wife to him or just a good friend during these current bad times? Do I matter that much to him? I just don't feel it. I've given so much that I'm starting to feel resentment. I've told him many times what I want and how I feel but I think he's not listening. He takes the issue lightly. I think he has forgotten that I am a woman. I am starting to feel like the man of the house, heck, I'm even starting to lose interest in making love. How can I feel sexy when I feel like a "man"?

As much as I want to be a comrade to my husband during bad times, I would also like to be loved and protected by my man as a husband would by his wife.

Or am I being immature about this? I don't know how long I can be so good, so nice, so strong, so dependable ... anymore. I'm about to blow anytime.

Feeling Like A Fool

IT is hard to be a sweet, understanding and loving wife when you are feeling disgruntled and taken for granted. Your husband has to take heed or he will be looking at a failed marriage soon.

Although you have been giving him hints, signals and even a month-long snub, perhaps he does not realise how deeply you resent him at this point of your relationship.

He is a man troubled by debts, bad business and financial distress. Maybe he could not even afford gifts for you and thought that you would understand. The wonderful wife facade you had built up could have created the comfort zone that buffered him from your deep, underlying feelings.

Tell him the truth but do not try to be nice about it. Bring out the hurt, the disappointment because you will break soon if you continue to keep silent. He needs to act on your words. Bad business does not justify ignoring your simplest requests.

A gift could be a single rose, breakfast in bed or hugs and kisses on impulse. We all need to know we are loved, not someone there to cook the meals and pay the bills on time. Tell him you love him but the marriage will crack if he does not play his part.

Both of you also need to resolve the financial situation. Money issues are major contributors to divorces as couples fight and argue over this most times. When your own funds dry up, love may fly.

You could consider getting a job as you need the money and there will be less time to grow the resentment. He should find means and ways to improve his business and not rely on you as backup all the time. Passion and romance diminish when a fellow is plagued by worries of debts.

When the anger is spent, and tears dried, remind yourself constantly the reasons you chose to marry this man. You do not want regrets later when love and companionship will mean more than money and presents.