I WOULD not like to call it an "accident"; it was more of God's will that I discovered I was expecting my second child.

From the day I found out about my pregnancy to the day I gave birth and afterwards, I have had to battle with the "evil eye" cast upon me by the public.

It has been over four years since I entered the music industry and, though that's not a long time, it has been filled with scandals. The way I conduct myself is kind of controversial, or even ridiculous, to some.

Till now, I have avoided talking about my baby - even the name has not been disclosed to anyone, except my closest friends.

I have written about how some adults would not leave my older child alone in school. So I have decided to keep quiet about my second child.

All I will say now is that my baby is a girl, but her birth date will remain unknown.

Let's talk about the most momentous day in the pregnancy: her birth.

On admission to hospital, I wanted to be uncontactable. I requested for my room number to be kept secret, and for the phone line in my room to be cut off.

Though I have given birth before, I was all nerves this time. I bawled before any needle went into my skin. Perhaps it was the knowledge that I would be cut up for a Caesarean delivery.

Anyway, the first moments of my Little One were filmed, and she was oh-so-tiny! When she was handed over to me, I had a whiff of that scent I had long forgotten: the scent of a newborn.

I felt an instant attachment to her; I wanted to know when I could hold her again and when I could see her.

Unfortunately, she was not able to regulate her body temperature, so it was another 12 hours before I was able to see her again. Whenever the doctors came by, they saw me crying.

I had no explanation for that, except that I just didn't want to be separated from my baby.

Despite the pain from my incision wound, I would stand up and walk to the nursery, just to see if I could take a look at her.

During my hospital stay, I refused visitors. You can pretty much tell how fiercely I wanted to protect our privacy.

After we got home, it was the beginning of my new duty: to be a mother of two. I hardly sleep now, but it's all worth it.

Everyone around me has been telling me to hire a nanny to look after her so I can work, but I just can't bear to do that.

I admire those parents who can bear to hire someone else to care for their children.

I'm so attached to my baby that I refuse hands-on help from my family.

I'm joined at the hip with my Little One. Baby comes along with me everywhere I go.

As the new year approaches and the Little One gets older and bigger, I might start allowing my family to carry her. I really need to sit back, relax and watch my baby grow.

It is with her birth that I've come to realise how much of a mother I really am, and how much I have grown in the span of a few months. You can bet I'm wiser now, in every way.

The writer is a Star Blogger with Stomp, The Straits Times' social-networking and citizen-media website. This post first appeared in Stomp. Go to www.stomp.com.sg to read the views of other Star Bloggers.

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