I am 32 years old, married  to a man eight years my senior. We have three children, ages nine, three and two.

I married my husband so I can get out of my single life and escape from the problems of my family.

I never loved my husband and I don’t think I can ever love him, despite the children. I like it that he is a seaman and is hardly on land. I cannot stand it when he visits and has sex with me. Despite his being a good provider, we have nothing in common and argue all the time. I don’t try to understand him anymore because I really don’t care about him.

I met someone on the Internet and it’s him I really love. We haven’t met, but I am even willing to get pregnant by him when he visits Manila for vacation next year. Why? Because even if I lose him, I will always have this child as remembrance from him forever. Everybody has told me about the glow they see in me.

My husband is coming this month to visit. This is making me very sad again. I just want to be happy and be with someone I really love. I don’t want to become miserable forever.

—Fann

What did you think marriage was—an escape hatch? And why three kids? Did you think you were just a receptacle and played dead?

It is true that love can’t be taught, forced on or legislated. It has to come naturally. Your husband here is the biggest loser—having no inkling that he is as much alone at sea as he is on land. He has to bear the vast open space for months on end, counting the minutes he’d be with you, only to be greeted by a mass of cold flesh. Seems like only his children are able to love him unconditionally.

It is probably true that the smile you can’t seem to wipe off your face is coming from the happiness you’re getting from this cyber love affair. Be very wary of this new development, because the feelings you are sending to each other may be as virtual as the games that are played intensely on the Internet.

Your desire for adventure may undo you if you proceed with this stranger you consider your lover. You are in love with a fantasy, an illusion, and you help fuel it constantly by telling yourself how loveless you are in this marriage.

Luck does not always come often in life, so be careful with what you pray for, they say. Stop thinking of yourself for a moment, pause, and look at the big picture. Examine every facet of it, as your eyes may reveal how lucky you are—a husband who is working his butt off providing you with your material needs, who loves you probably more than he can tell you, and healthy children.

You got into marriage because you had family problems. Now that you’ve escaped those problems and are now married with a family of your own, you seem to be in such a hurry, and can hardly wait—to create new problems for yourself.

The saying “from the frying pan to the fire,” isn’t repeated over and over for nothing. You could be even be rushing to prove it true—sooner than you think.

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