DEAR EMILY,

A married man got my friend pregnant. In the beginning, he told her he had annulled his marriage. Some months later she found out he was not even separated—and has three kids. He told her he only has two kids and that he was not living with his wife.

Then my friend found out that he actually has three kids—as he claims to have forgotten about the other one. What’s more, he and his family live in the same house with his parents. His wife also just recently found out about her husband’s infidelity and has been sending my friend a lot of angry messages.

The man keeps telling my friend that he belongs to her, though he said he will not be there for her all the time. He shows no intention of leaving his wife, and seems to want to keep the status quo.

He bought my friend a dog and has expressed his wishes to have another child with her. He wants them to “lie low” for a while so his situation at home won’t be so tense. He promised her that when things go back to normal, they can again spend more time together.

This guy tells her that he doesn’t love his wife but can’t leave her because of the kids. He also doesn’t want to displease his parents. He relies on them for financial support.

My friend wants to leave him but she can’t because she still loves him. She seems convinced that he’s the one for her. She has been trying to end their relationship but keeps on seeing him anyway. She feels alone and it breaks my heart because she is a strong and capable woman. She is only 24 and I keep telling her that this doesn’t have to be her life.

KATHY

You cannot live your friend’s life for her. You can only tell her so much till she probably grows feathers. In the end, she has to row her own boat.

There are no words you can say to change the mind of someone in love. It’s like they have these blinders screwed to their eyes so they’d see nothing, and ear plugs to muffle the truth they’re hearing.

They know something’s wrong somewhere, but what once was a discerning mind, has suddenly become irrational and totally out of whack with the world.

Your friend is of age and will have to learn her lesson the hard way. Let her experience every morsel of pain again and again. Leave her to wallow in her suffering, until her mind takes over her heart and finally reins her in.

So many of us have been there and like fools, keep coming back for more, like in a revolving door—despite previous heartaches and keloidal battle scars.

History is full of lovers and fools. Do we learn our lessons, ever? No way! Because being in love is something we are willing to die for—no questions asked. There’s just no fool like a fool in love.