updated 24 Dec 2010, 07:12
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Sun, Sep 26, 2010
Philippine Daily Inquirer/ANN
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How can she convince a friend to stop seeing a married man?
by Emily A. Marcelo


A married man got my friend pregnant. In the beginning, he told her he had annulled his marriage. Some months later she found out he was not even separated—and has three kids. He told her he only has two kids and that he was not living with his wife.

Then my friend found out that he actually has three kids—as he claims to have forgotten about the other one. What’s more, he and his family live in the same house with his parents. His wife also just recently found out about her husband’s infidelity and has been sending my friend a lot of angry messages.

The man keeps telling my friend that he belongs to her, though he said he will not be there for her all the time. He shows no intention of leaving his wife, and seems to want to keep the status quo.

He bought my friend a dog and has expressed his wishes to have another child with her. He wants them to “lie low” for a while so his situation at home won’t be so tense. He promised her that when things go back to normal, they can again spend more time together.

This guy tells her that he doesn’t love his wife but can’t leave her because of the kids. He also doesn’t want to displease his parents. He relies on them for financial support.

My friend wants to leave him but she can’t because she still loves him. She seems convinced that he’s the one for her. She has been trying to end their relationship but keeps on seeing him anyway. She feels alone and it breaks my heart because she is a strong and capable woman. She is only 24 and I keep telling her that this doesn’t have to be her life.


You cannot live your friend’s life for her. You can only tell her so much till she probably grows feathers. In the end, she has to row her own boat.

There are no words you can say to change the mind of someone in love. It’s like they have these blinders screwed to their eyes so they’d see nothing, and ear plugs to muffle the truth they’re hearing.

They know something’s wrong somewhere, but what once was a discerning mind, has suddenly become irrational and totally out of whack with the world.

Your friend is of age and will have to learn her lesson the hard way. Let her experience every morsel of pain again and again. Leave her to wallow in her suffering, until her mind takes over her heart and finally reins her in.

So many of us have been there and like fools, keep coming back for more, like in a revolving door—despite previous heartaches and keloidal battle scars.

History is full of lovers and fools. Do we learn our lessons, ever? No way! Because being in love is something we are willing to die for—no questions asked. There’s just no fool like a fool in love.

readers' comments
if i am that married man, i too might lie through my teeth i wouldnt even give her a chance to flee

god. 24 year old tenderness money cant buy. and its free delivery. if i dont go heaven who goes??
Posted by problemchild on Sun, 7 Nov 2010 at 01:42 AM
Ask your friend if she just wants to share her woes with U or she wants your advice as well...

If only listening ears : Then do so with an understanding heart, but do set boundaries for yrself so that you don't get drained out by her emotional situation.

If she wants your honest opinion & advice : It would be to encourage her to leave that darn cheating man alone. Cut off ties with him. She would need supportive friends to help her walk through this circumstance.

This guy has lied to your friend about his kids, lied about the status of not being with his wifey. He is not trust worthy. If his marriage was not working, then he should have the guts to either work it out with marriage counselling or divorce his wifey(although i don't recommend .....
Posted by Tsunamiw4ve on Sun, 7 Nov 2010 at 00:37 AM
She's 24 and a mother of 3? Did he marry her out of a sense of obligation after a shot gun pregnancy?
Posted by smickno on Sat, 6 Nov 2010 at 22:04 PM
Other than the first two advice that came as constructive, the rest are ... rubbish!

What about being a good listening ears and always be there as a friend for each other?
Posted by mystrawberry on Sat, 6 Nov 2010 at 20:40 PM

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