Toddlers do not understand the concept of sharing, and should not be forced to do something they are not ready for.

BY THE time your toddler turns one year old, he knows that his body belongs to him and he enjoys games involving his ears, eyes, fingers and toes.

He likes it when you sing "Where is your nose?" He'll be most happy to point to it in response. But he will feel that his toys and the things he loves dearly are also a part of him.

He may start to guard his possessions fiercely and refuse to part with them. He is not being selfish. Imagine if you were him, how would you react if someone tried to walk off with your nose or something you had come to value as much as this important part of your body?

Your toddler may be possessive at this stage of his development. As he grows, he will eventually feel less threatened when he is asked to share his toys. Experts of child development recognise that an average two-and-a-half-year-old wants complete ownership of his toys and may fly into a rage if his demands are not met.

Children who are encouraged to be cooperative at an early age tend to be happier and find it easier to adapt to social groups later in life. When your toddler is at this difficult stage of sharing, you may want to find ways for him to play without fighting for his possessions. He needs to know that he can play with his toys by himself. If you force him to share his toys with his sibling or playmate, he will feel threatened and may create a scene.

Some children are willing to share their toys after much coaxing. Some are more easy-going while others are more challenging in their behaviour. The bottom line is that all toddlers do not understand the concept of sharing yet. It is no fun to share toys with others, especially those who grab them and run off.

Apart from your toddler's personality, the way the family works may have some bearing on his willingness or readiness to share. An only child will understand the concept of sharing a little later as the demand to share arises less often. If your toddler has older siblings, he will soon get used to the idea that toys are to be shared.

The more secure and loved the child feels, the easier it is for him to learn to share.

It is important to note that quarrels between siblings may not be all about sharing toys, but a way to demand attention and parental love. Avoid punishing your child for snatching his baby brother's toys and making him cry. You want to make your toddler feel special.

Spend as much time alone with him as you can and talk to him about how dependent babies are and how they need bigger people to look after them.

Many parents find it hard to cope with their toddler's behaviour when he fights with other children over toys. It infuriates them when their toddler bites another child to get a toy from him.

Some parents may keep their children away from playgroups and even consider isolating their child until he is able to share.

It is hardly helpful for toddlers to stay away from playing with other children. Your toddler may miss the "parallel play," that is, to play alongside other children. It is only when he mixes with other children that he learns to get along with others. When your toddler hoards all the toys in the playgroup or takes another child's toy, you must step in to divert his attention. Don't feel embarrassed about his behaviour. He can learn a thing or two from you about getting along.

Take every opportunity to teach and guide, not to punish. Make available two of the same toy for the two toddlers so that they will not fight over it.

If fighting persists, offer an alternative plaything to the one who grabs.

One mother in an under-three playgroup decided to remove all the toys so that the toddlers could not fight over them. She thought this would reduce the tug-of-war among the toddlers. Her plan backfired. The toddlers got restless and started throwing tantrums.

It is better to show toddlers how to give and take when playing games. After all, playing with a ball is more fun when there is more than one person.

Parents of toddlers will also learn over time that toys such as blocks and puzzles are the least likely to cause toddlers to fight.

To help children learn to share, parents must also treat their children's special toys with respect.

If you are expecting company, keep your child's special toys so that other children will not play with them. Your child will feel more secure knowing that other children will not take away his special toy.

If you want something from your toddler, ask politely and handle the object with care. Children are great imitators. They pick up behavioural cues all the time.