I met a girl at a speed dating session and took a great liking to her. We met up once for an outing which went ok but after that outing, I found myself thinking of her. Hence, I messaged her very frequently until one day she called me up to tell me to stop. She even blocked my call after I confessed my liking for her.

Although she claims she is now attached, I have not been able to really move on as I should because she is someone I had been looking for all this while, even though she's a girl-next-door type. How can I reopen the channel of communication I once had with her ?

Dear Anon,
I think the issue is not with re-opening the channel of communication. In this tech-savvy age, you can approach her through various means which I don’t have to delve into right now.

Rather, please allow me to address the issue of attraction or “liking” as you have pointed out. If you’ve met this lady at a 15-minute speed dating session and later once more for an outing, it would be rather premature to assume that she is someone you had “been looking for all this while”. You may be attracted to her perhaps for her physical beauty and/or personality but for this to have any chance of success, the attraction must be mutual.

Though it may be hard to “move on” at this point of time, believe me, you will. The signs that she has given you are pretty obvious. I think she’s polite enough to let you down easy because sometimes, it can be pretty harsh.

My suggestion is, learn from this experience and resolve to do better for yourself. When you decide to attend the next speed dating event, make sure you’re not quick to zero-in on just one person. Chances are, other men are doing the same too. Look out for special, understated qualities that may not be too obvious to the rest; something that only you can see and appreciate. Perhaps, it’s in the way she smiles, how she laughs or just the kindness in her eyes. Only you would know the kind of qualities that you are looking for. You don’t have to compromise “your type” just for the sake of walking away with someone’s phone number. 

Finally, make a note that a first date should be fun and stress free. Give your date enough room to reciprocate when you know that you’ve done everything right to make you company a pleasant one!

Anisa Hassan is the Managing Director and owner of It’s Just Lunch Asia with offices in Singapore and Bangkok. Anisa has also authored a book “Guide to Dating in Asia” which will be released in September 2010. For more information on how she can help you, visit www.itsjustlunchsingapore.com